August 6

We saw Dr. Neville last Friday and he agrees it's time for a break. Yahoo! After two weeks, I'm still feeling tired from last treatment. I can't even imagine... today I would have gone in for another. The mouth sores are almost gone, so at least I can eat better. I lost 5 pounds just last week from not being able to eat very well. I'm sure it won't be a problem to put those pounds right back on though! The neuropathy is still here, and he said it could take up to a year for some of these side effects to go away. Powerful drugs, this chemo stuff.

The plan now is to have my blood CEA level checked once a month, see Dr. Neville in 2 months, and have a scan in 3 months. My CEA level is still at 2.3 (3.0 and below is normal), so he is pleased with this. (Did you know that everyone has a CEA level? Even healthy people? I thought that was interesting). After looking at the scans they did in Seattle, he considers the spots on my lungs and liver to be 'in remission', although it's still not clear to them exactly what those spots are/were???

So, for the time being, I'll work on getting my energy level back up, my tastebuds back, and feeling back to normal in my hands and feet. Hopefully I'll be able to be off chemo long enough to get some hair back too! It would be nice to feel and look 'normal' for a while and enjoy life.

All this is so much in God's hands. I'm just trodding along this pathway, trying not to bargain too much with him, (let me see my kids graduate, let me see them married, let me see my grandchildren, etc...) but to listen to him, stay connected to him, trust him. This is all I can do with an uncertain future. But then again, aren't all our futures somewhat uncertain? Heaven knows, you could be driving happily along on a bridge, and the next moment, it's crumbling beneath you. Is there any rhyme or reason? That is the question, isn't it?

Enough philosophising. I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer. I will stay in touch.

Jane