Jane's Life

Slight Change in Plans

2008-06-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

The day for Jane's burial service has changed.

We are planning to have a burial service at the Oaklawn Cemetery in Corvallis on Thursday, June 26th at 1:00pm. Anyone who is interested in participating may join us at that time. Please be sure to check Doug's Blog, just in case something changes between now and then.

It Had to End Sometime

2008-06-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

Well dear friends, I have decided that tonight will be the last posting on Jane's blog. I conclude this entry on her behalf, with no small amount of sorrow.

All things must pass, as it is said. As I read back through the past 17 months of Jane's blog, I have been reminded of the bravery, hope, faith, and optimism that Jane lived each and every day. She never faltered, never wavered, during her battle with that terrible disease.

I am in the process of compiling posts from both Jane's and my blog, and will eventually publish a book using My Publisher, and will make it available to those who would like to have a reminder of our journey together. I have created a photo book of slides from Jane's memorial service that you can see online, and if you're interested, even purchase a copy for yourselves.

In the meantime, Doug's Blog is still active, and will remain so as long as I have motivation to continue writing. I invite you to join in on my solo flight into uncharted territory as I begin to learn how to live life without my best friend.

We are planning to have a burial service at the Oaklawn Cemetery in Corvallis on Friday, June 27th at 1:00pm. Anyone who is interested in participating may join us at that time. Please be sure to check Doug's Blog, just in case something changes between now and then.

Thank you, everyone, for your faithful participation in reading, and commenting on this blog.

And as I close for Jane, I believe she would say not, "Goodbye" but rather, "See you later."

My Dearest Family

2008-06-11T20:56:00.000-07:00

NOTE: This is a letter that Jane wrote to her family just after Christmas of 2007. To my knowledge, it was never sent to them. I believe that [it] will bless them (and you) immensely.

My dearest family,

First, I’d like to say what a great time I had visiting you all a few weeks ago. It was probably one of the best visits I’ve had there. Thanks to all who came out for dinner, thanks for the special gifts, for Jeff taking me to Powell’s candy store and seeing the Christmas lights around Willow Glen.

Thanks especially to Sue and George for buying my airline ticket! It was so good seeing all the great-nieces and nephews too, they are all growing up! I missed those who could not make it, but we did good getting 30 of us to squeeze in the restaurant! Though it was hard leaving, I left San Jose feeling really proud of and grateful for my family.

It’s good to see the progress in those who have struggled with drugs and alcohol. I know too well how hard it is to stay clean and sober, and my hats are off to you who are working on conquering this.

I am grateful that Scotty came home from Iraq safe and sound, that you all seem to have good paying jobs and healthy kids. I am also happy to see Jeff committed to leading people in worship and helping them on their spiritual journeys. There truly is no higher calling.

People often wonder “why am I here?” Well, if you want to know, it’s rather simple: to honor your Creator in all you do, and to love your neighbor as yourself. Is this easy? Not always. And it is different and personal for everyone. But the journey is worth is, because these are the only rewards that are eternal.

You all are raising beautiful and gifted children. Take time to help them learn what their life passions are and do whatever you can to help them achieve their goals. The phone, the computer, the TV . . . these can wait. Your kids will be grown before you know it and these times can never be recaptured.

Also, Grandpa is not getting any younger! Please take time to visit him when you can and help out. I know it would also help Aunt Sue a lot. Time goes by really fast, you guys. Enjoy it now. There is no guarantee of the future. We only have today. Things can come into your life and change it in an instant. Perspective and priorities can change in the blink of an eye.

I am headed into my 2nd year of battling cancer. The hope is that after my next two treatments (last one is Jan. 23), the PET scan will show a remission of the cancer and I can be a candidate for the IPHC surgery I opted not to do last May. Statistically, this surgery doubles the life expectancy in a third of the patients. Of course, I do not leave God out of these equations! I listen to ‘statistics’ with a grain of salt, as much as I can. But, as they say, drastic times call for drastic measures.

This is not an easy journey, especially when you have kids still dependent on you. My concern is often more for them than myself. Yet we have so many friends and family who have stepped up to help us in ways that we never anticipated. They have lifted a tremendous burden from us. I know they are truly ‘the hands of God’ for us right now. We are being well cared for!

Overall, I have peace in my heart and spirit. I want to stay around as long as I possibly can. I don’t feel finished here. I will fight as long as I can handle it. But I also need to bend to whatever the will of God is for me. He has a much broader picture than I! All in all, I know I am in good hands, whatever the outcome.

I also want you to know that I have no problem whatsoever talking about this, so if you want to talk or have questions, just call me. You can also check my blog at jaeastonslife.blogspot.com.

I love you all!! I truly hope that 2008 is a good one for each one of us. I’m sure it will bring challenges, but let’s learn from them and move forward! May the Lord’s peace shine upon you!

Jane

Photos of Memorial Service

2008-06-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

I don't believe that it was mentioned today, but there was some symbolism behind the flower arrangements, that I'd like to share with you.

First of all, there were 53 carnations, light purple and dark purple. Carnations are Jane's favorite flower, and there were 53 to signify her 53 year walk upon this earth.

The flowers were separated into three vases. The two large vases each held 25 carnations, and the slender one in the middle held three. Two dark purple and one light purple. The two dark purple carnations signified her two sons, Matthew and Daniel, and the light purple carnation signified her daughter, Amy.

The etched brass urn carrying the cremains.

My Angel Weeps With Me

2008-06-08T21:24:00.000-07:00

I found this image on the internet, and it really spoke to me. I like to think of this as my guardian angel, weeping alongside me.

Then when we've composed ourselves, my angel helps me get back to my feet, wipe away my tears, and go back to living.

Tomorrow is Jane's memorial service; I'm sure my angel will be with me then. Look for her, she's the one with the beautiful wings.

You're My Hero

2008-06-07T08:44:00.001-07:00

Click on Image for a Larger View

NOTE: Amy has given me permission to share [one of] the letters that she frequently wrote to Jane while she was sick. I think Jane did find a way to "look down from Heaven and let Amy know she is alright." See Doug's blog.

River of Life

2008-06-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

Every day that goes by, something changes. The river of life continues to flow; relentless, never stopping. It meanders, changes course, ebbs and flows, but continues steadily on.

As I ride on my raft on the river of life, there are times when I have been able to see well ahead on a calm, lazy section of water. At other times, I hear the faint sound of rushing water, and round a bend, only to be slammed up against rocks and trees; sometimes tumbling under, scratching and clawing my way to the surface, climbing back on top of the raft.

Jane's sister Terry left this morning; a few minutes ago. She stood by my side, and helped care for Jane for the past 5 weeks. Terry made sacrifices of love, money, and time to honor me and Jane in caring for her at the end of life. It was very hard to see her go, yet another bend in the river of life.

Memorial Service

2008-06-04T12:19:00.001-07:00

The Easton family wishes to extend an invitation to a Celebration of Life Memorial at 1 p.m. on Monday, June 9, 2008, at the Northwest Hills Community Church, 3300 NW Walnut Blvd., Corvallis, OR.

Arrangements are by McHenry Funeral Home, Corvallis, OR. The family requests that, in lieu of flowers, expressions of sympathy and support take the form of contributions to the Jane Easton Memorial Fund which can be brought to the memorial service, or sent to the OSU Federal Credit Union, 1980 NW 9th Street, Corvallis, OR.

Goodbye Dear Friend

2008-06-03T13:39:00.001-07:00

At 12:55pm today, Jane passed away.

Her sister Terry and I were at her side as she drew her last, shallow breaths, and left our presence for the Presence.

The Generation Gap

2008-06-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

Jane's perspective on the generation gap, circa: 1967-1968:

Click on the Image for a Larger View

More Photos

2008-05-31T23:24:00.001-07:00

With Hope (Continued)

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand

And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan

But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done

And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and . . .

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

Some Photos

2008-05-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

NOTE: I thought that I'd keep Jane's blog and mine a little different still. So, I'm going to publish a couple of quick words each day, and a photo for you all to enjoy.

I was recently reminded of a Steven Curtis Chapman song that is appropriate not only in my family's present situation, but also in his own. For those who may not have heard, his adopted daughter Maria Sue Chapman was killed in an accident on May 21st.

So, here are some photos of Jane, along with the lyrics to the song "With Hope":

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)

There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

Three of the Best Experiences Which Ever Happened to Me

2008-05-29T23:53:00.000-07:00

Click on the Image for a Larger View

Editor's Note: This is the final installment of Jane's essay series, "Me, Myself, and I". Please let me know if you enjoyed learning more about her as a child.

-doug

My Most Admired Person

2008-05-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

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What I'd Like For My Adult Future to Hold For Me

2008-05-27T23:29:00.000-07:00

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Editors Note: I especially love the part where Jane says, "I don't want to get married, but I probably will."

What I'd Like To Do For My Life Work

2008-05-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

NOTE: It was brought to my attention today, that some of you may not know that Jane's blog (this one) and Doug's blog have different content every day. Please read both blogs if you have the time in order to get different perspectives, and read different stories.

Click on the Image for a Larger View

A Great Disappointment - Part II

2008-05-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

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A Great Disappointment and How I Made the Best of It

2008-05-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

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What I Most Want to Get Out of Being a Teenager

2008-05-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

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The Kinds of Friends I Choose

2008-05-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

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Before I Went to School

2008-05-21T16:45:00.001-07:00

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When I Was a Baby

2008-05-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

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Me, Myself, and I - The Story of Jane

2008-05-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

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Beautiful Feet

2008-05-18T21:42:00.000-07:00

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who tells of peace and brings good news of happiness, who tells of saving power, and says to Zion, "Your God rules!" Is. 52:7 (New Life Version).

Some people I know are just not "feet people" but I am. One of the things I love most about Jane's earthly body are her beautiful feet.

I have had the privilege and joy of rubbing lotion on her feet for many years now, and am able to do so on a more regular basis these past few weeks.

I captured a photo of her feet while she rested this evening, and decided to share how lovely they are with the rest of you.

These feet have served her well; walked her to her first day of kindergarten, ran through her first mud puddle, waded in the ocean, walked down the aisle with me, danced with me, cuddled with me, tickled her children with them, and shifted gears on her favorite motorcycle.

It's amazing how easily we take our feet for granted; I just wanted to appreciate hers tonight. Thank you for letting me share.

Family Huddle

2008-05-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

Well, OK. The photo tonight is not of a huddle, but a rugby scrum. I love watching rugby; got really hooked on it while traveling to Ireland. The Scottish team was in Dublin for one of the 7 nations match-ups with the Irish team. We were in this pub and . . . oh, never mind.

The hospice social worker came to our home today and met with me, the kids, and my sister-in-law Terry. We talked for about an hour and a half, and it was a really special time. I am SO PROUD of my kids! They are demonstrating a level of maturity that I don't think I was capable of when I was their ages.

The social worker said that we were a very healthy family, and that it looked like we are going to make it through this ok. I am sure we will, but there will be times . . .

It is really wonderful to have Jane's sister here to help share in the process, and to be with her baby sister through her last few weeks. It means so much to Jane and to me too!

Jane had a pretty good day today, no substantial sickness, and made it through the heat spell with little to no problems. We kept her well-cooled with washcloths and ice chips.

Time in a Bottle

2008-05-15T22:26:00.001-07:00

From the words of the late Jim Croce:

If I could save time in a bottle,
The first thing that I'd like to do,

It was a beautiful day today here in Corvallis; hitting almost 90 degrees. Jane slept much of the day, and I took a much-needed motorcycle ride through the countryside to Independence, OR.

This was a tough ride for me, since I'm used to looking in my rear-view mirror, and seeing Janey there, on her white Honda Rebel.

It's not the first time that I've thought about what it is going to be like to not have her "back there" anymore.

Is to save every day,
Till eternity passes away,
Just to spend them with you.

When I arrived home, she asked, "Are you back already?" I wish I could have gone for a ride with you." Me too, honey.

If I could make days last forever,
If words could make wishes come true,

So we sat together in the back yard this afternoon in the shade, dozed a little, enjoyed the gentle breeze, and the birds arguing with the blue jays.

I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you.

Every day is a treasure; I am so grateful to spend them with you, my love.

Just When You Think It's Safe

2008-05-14T07:58:00.001-07:00

Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water, is the time when the shark is gonna get you. Yesterday was a rough day for Jane. She got sick in the morning, and it appears things may be changing again.

We called the Hospice nurse to come over and assess Jane's condition, and to talk with her about pain control / management. We decided to take it up another notch, so to speak, and within a couple of hours, her pain was back under control.

She slept well last night, and is up this morning listening to her favorite morning birds singing outside. Jane wishes to thank everyone again for all your prayers, which sustain her (and the rest of us) through the gray days, and dark nights.

Oh, and we watched "American Idol" last night; Jane still thinks Sanjaya should have made it to the final round. I had to remind her that was last year's show (just kidding!).

She is a David Cook fan all the way!

I Sleepe Not Day Nor Night

2008-05-12T09:28:00.001-07:00

No dear friends, the title of this blog entry is not misspelled. It is a subtitle to a work written by John Donne in 1624. Jane and I became interested in the works of Donne after watching the movie "Wit" starring Emma Thompson.

For those of you who have seen this movie, you'll understand immediately. For those who have not, let me just say that it is a very moving story about a renowned professor who is forced to reassess her life when she is diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer.

I was reading this morning, and would like to share a portion of one of Donne's works with you:

Hee that hath seene his friend die to day, or knowes hee shall see it to morrow, yet will sinke into a sleepe betweene. I cannot; and oh, if I be entring now into Eternitie, where there shall bee no more distinction of houres, why is it al my businesse now to tell Clocks? why is none of the heavinesse of my heart, dispensed into mine Eye-lids, that they might fall as my heart doth? And why, since I have lost my delight in all objects, cannot I discontinue the facultie of seeing them, by closing mine eyes in sleepe? But why rather being entring into that presence, where I shall wake continually and never sleepe more, doe I not interpret MY continuall waking here, to bee a parasceve, and a preparation to that?

Jane and Terry and I were talking just this morning; it seems as if time has slowed down again; it labors, crawls.

This is not necessarily a bad thing; more a feeling or perception than anything. We so desire to have more time with Jane, and it is in the quiet, slow moments now that we share our time together.

Calling All Photos

2008-05-10T23:30:00.001-07:00

Some of you have begun to send photos of Jane that you have taken at various events, places, etc., that you've been with her. I am compiling a digital scrap book of these memories, so if you have any of Jane, please send them to me.

My email address is: doug.easton@comcast.net

Here's another example of a photo that was sent to me recently; Jane pitching a softball game a few summers ago.

Our visit with Jane's niece and nephew was very nice this weekend. They were able to spend a few quality moments with her, and today we all drove to the cemetery with Jane to take a look see.

We also got her dad connected over the internet with Skype, which is an online video conferencing application. He was so excited to be able to see Jane and talk with her at the same time. Sometimes technology is a real miracle.

We are very happy that we will be able to spend one more Mother's Day with Jane. It has always been a special day for me and the kids, and this year will be even more so. If you have a mother who is still living, take a few moments tomorrow to show her how much you love her!

Things Jane Loves To Do

2008-05-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

Many of you have commented on Jane's love of the outdoors and nature. We just received an email from our friend, Cynthia, who sent this photo taken of Jane a few years ago when she went on a backpacking trip with several other women.

Jane still tells stories of that wonderful time she had with the girls in the mountains.

Goodbye to Shanzi and Puddy

2008-05-09T21:57:00.001-07:00

Jane's two cats, Shanzi and Puddy, have left our family for good. They were taken to the vet for boarding about one week ago because they had become too much work for us in the midst of everything else.

Puddy (18 years old) was adopted by someone already, but Shanzi is ill, and the vet recommended that we put her down, so after 14 years with her, it's time to say goodbye.

Shanzi was Jane's baby, and in many ways, very similar to her. On any given evening, she could often be found wrapped around Jane's neck sleeping away. At night, Shanzi would sleep on top of Jane (she only weighed about 6 pounds).

So tonight, we say goodbye to a couple of long-time family members. You will be missed.

The Ocean Came to Corvallis

2008-05-08T22:07:00.001-07:00

The ocean came to Corvallis today, instead of Jane going to the ocean. We wanted to get to the beach one more time so that Jane could stick her feet in the water, but it's not to be. So hospice came through for us again; a volunteer (Anna) drove all the way to the coast, gathered sand from the beach, several jugs of sea water, and brought it all back to our home.

Jane was sleepy and too tired to partake of the treat this afternoon, so we'll have a foot-soaking tomorrow sometime.

I want to be close to her all the time, but she mostly prefers to be alone. It's like the pamphlet "Gone From My Sight" that was given to me by hospice says. She has one foot in this world and one in the next. She's preparing herself to turn completely away from us, and face our Heavenly Father.

This is perhaps the most difficult part of all. It's like a daughter that is leaving home to get married. She must reject the old family in order to embrace the new. It does not mean that she has any less love for us, but rather she is forming a new Relationship, and her old life is changing.

" Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2 Cor 5:17

PS: My sister Pam went to Michael's Landing in Corvallis yesterday morning and brought back some nice, white sand from that beach, along with the water. Pam is an extraordinary woman!

Humor in the Midst of Sorrow

2008-05-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

This morning, Jane's sister walked with her to the bathroom. After returning to her bed, Jane started to crawl in on her hands and knees, when her wrist sort of gave way, and she slowly crumpled, collapsed and rolled over on her side.

She looked at Terry and said, "I got a flat tire." They both laughed until they cried. Jane has such a great sense of humor, and is able to see funny things in the midst of her situation.

A Close Moment

2008-05-07T23:14:00.001-07:00

Hello Friends. Jane and I had a very close moment together today, that we want to share with all of you. Jane has grown more sleepy over the past couple of days. The vomiting has greatly diminished, along with her decreased consumption of liquids. Hospice told us that as time goes on over the next days or weeks, Jane will continue to grow weaker, sleep more, and become more disconnected with this world as she prepares herself for the next.

I don't remember now how the conversation began, but I looked at Jane and said, "You're leaving us, aren't you?"

She nodded her head yes, and tears began to well up in her eyes. I looked into her precious eyes and let her know that it was ok.

"I won't be far behind you; it will seem like just a wink of an eye to you," I said. Then you and I can really be the friends we always wanted to be with each other; no strings attached, no expectations, no demands, just a pure and holy friendship." We both wept for joy at the anticipation of that "day".

Her sister Terry asked me to pass along to everyone how incredibly thankful she is for all the love you have poured out upon Jane. She marvels each day as cards continue to arrive at our home, telling little stories about how Jane has touched their lives.

Jane is settled in again for the night, after watching a not-so-surprising "American Idol" show. Thank you again, each and every one of you for your prayers.

One Clean Refrigerator

2008-05-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

Well, hope you don't mind a little dark humor; but does anyone out there know what the mold spore Cladosporium elatum looks like? Come visit our refrigerator!

Today, Jane's sister Terry and my sister Pam took EVERYTHING out of the frig and cleaned it thoroughly.

After discarding the gross, moldy, smelly, unidentifiable items, the refrigerator looked like this:

Other than ridding the home of some interesting smells, the day was rather uneventful, as Jane had a pretty good day. She is becoming more sleepy, and much weaker; which I am told are some of the early signs of decline.

We took some time to read all of the note cards that everyone filled out at Woodstock's, and our hearts were warmed by the loving words each of you wrote.

Some were written by younger kids; one which stands out said, "Dear Jane, I am sorry you are so sick. But when you die, you get to meet the Lord! He will be happy to see you." Indeed, He will.

On the reverse side of the note was this image:

God sure DOES look happy to see her, huh?

Fabulous Fund-Raiser

2008-05-05T22:01:00.001-07:00

Today, there was an incredible outpouring of support for Jane and my family. But first, let's back up and retrace the steps leading up to lunch today . . .

Last night we were watching a movie, and about 9:00pm Jane said, "I'm tired" and I helped her settle in for the night. During those moments, she complained of a pain just inferior to her right clavicle (below the collarbone, for non-A&P types). The pain steadily worsened until it was about a 7 on a scale from 1-10 (not a good place to be). So I called the Hospice nurse, and she advised me what to do. Jane wanted to know what might be going on, and the nurse said, "without looking inside, it's hard to tell." She was not being flippant at all, just reiterating that at this point there will be no more X-rays, no more CT scans, no more blood tests, etc.

Hearing that was a good reminder to both Jane and me that our objective is to manage the symptoms, and keep Jane as comfortable as possible. So after about 2 hours, we had her pain under control, and she was sleeping soundly. Starting last night I have begun to set my alarm for 12:00 midnight to wake up and administer her medication. Then, back to bed and reset the alarm for 4:00am for more medication. That worked very well last night. The next interval was at 8:00am, and we all slept close to that time.

The Hospice nurse and social worker visited today at 11:00am and we had a wonderful chat. Everyone is on the same page, and Jane is at peace with how everyone else is doing. She's a remarkable woman; for most of her anxiety has to do with how me and the kids, and how all of you, yes, how all of you are doing. She is so concerned about everyone else, and wants everyone to know that she's is ok, and at peace with things.

Jane was bummed out that she could not be at Woodstock's today. We were told that both at lunch, and at dinner, the line for ordering pizza was out the door!

My sister Pam (who knows EVERYONE in Corvallis and Albany) told us who was there, and we were overwhelmed with your love! I brought a basketfull of cards home at lunch, and I understand there are more cards from tonight. Jane and I were touched by each card that you wrote. Thank you everyone for demonstrating your love to our family.

We could not do this without each of you.

A New Body

2008-05-04T16:40:00.000-07:00

As terrifying as yesterday was, last night was a very good night for Jane. Slept almost through the whole night, with little to no pain.

Today, I helped Jane take a shower, and when I looked into her eyes, it hit me. "Soon God is going to give you your glorified body; I can only imagine how you will look." I hope that I recognize you." We both started to weep for joy, thinking of what that will be like.

As she sat there soaking in the warm, soft spray of water, making "yummy sounds" (you'd need to have watched "Young Frankenstein" to get that) she remarked that the first thing she is going to do is seek out The River, Whose Streams of Gold, Flow From the City of God.

What a simple, yet absolutely wonderful and necessary thing water is. Most of the rest of us take that for granted. I for one will never again.

Hitting the Wall

2008-05-03T21:01:00.001-07:00

Today I hit the wall. It's no big surprise I guess; but it caught me off guard. Jane had a fairly good night last night; up just one time, but for about an hour and a half. We all "slept in" this morning until 6:45am.

By 10:00am, Jane was really hurting. Lost a bunch of fluid, went back to sleep, woke up two hours later, lost a bunch of fluid again. By 4:30 this afternoon, she was in excruciating pain; so we called hospice and the nurse came out. Just moments before she arrived, Jane got rid of everything in her stomach (a huge amount) and immediately felt 100% better.

The nurse talked with us for awhile, and will come over tomorrow to speak to the family about the dying process. She also explained that even though the IV infusions seemed to make Jane feel a little better in the short term, in the longer term they were causing her more harm than good.

My son, daughter in law and granddaughter stopped by one more time before going back home to Michigan; my brother came from L.A. last night, and leaves early tomorrow morning. The whole immediate family went out for lunch, stopped by afterward, and everyone filed in to Jane's room, one by one to say goodbye; some just for the day, others for the rest of their lives.

After everyone had gone, I melted down. Went and laid down for a much needed nap. Jane is resting comfortably this evening, and hopefully will continue that way through the night. As always, we covet your prayers.

NOTE: Although the text is the same, I changed the pictures between my blog and Jane's. The photo in my blog expresses how I felt, but seemed a little too violent for hers.

One Step Forward . . . Three Steps Back

2008-05-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

Well friends, as good as last night was, today was just the opposite. It started out really well, and Jane asked to have another IV transfusion, so I started her at about 9:30am, and went out to have lunch with my kids and granddaughter. Got home about 11:00am.

Checked in on Jane and some dear friends, Tom and Terri had come over to pray with her. I left Jane with them, and the rest of us piled in the cars and drove to Oaklawn Cemetery, where my mom was buried about 15 years ago.

We've decided that Jane will be buried there. It was pretty tough on our son Matt; and kind of odd for the rest of us to be thinking about that while Jane is still here. But it's something that has to be done. It's really pretty there. We thought about cremation and scattering her ashes somewhere, but when it came down to it, we were faced with a dilemma about where we would "go" to visit her later, place flowers, remember her, etc.

So I called Oaklawn last week and found out that they give grave sites to Veterans (which I am) and so we thought that was pretty good. It's a nice place, in a quiet neighborhood, and well maintained. This whole thing is kind of strange.

When we got back, Jane asked me to discontinue the infusion, which I did. About an hour later, she was feeling poorly, and eventually got sick again. First time for us during daylight hours, so it's something new. She slept for a few hours afterward, and then by 6:30pm, she started to get sick again. Well, this is new. Twice in one day.

During the second session of being sick, Jane sat back in her chair and kind of looked away over my shoulder and said, "Ok." Then she looked at me and said, "I think it's going to be soon." I asked, "You mean soon now, or just soon?" She said, "Just soon."

She is resting well now. This evening after she had settled down, I got a basin of hot water, filled in with Epsom salts, and she soaked her feet while we watched "Across the Universe." Near the end of the movie she said, "I'm tired" so I took her to her chair in the bedroom, got her settled in, and said goodnight. I hope and pray that it is again this night.

Good Night!

2008-05-02T05:54:00.001-07:00

And I don't mean the street in South Corvallis . . .

nor do I mean the Brave Sir Lancelot . . .

Jane had a very good night last night. Slept from 10:00pm until about 1:30am. Woke up, applied some more (anti) nausea creme, back to sleep; woke again at 4:45am. No vomiting all night, and just a little nausea.

Jane feels like having another IV infusion today, so that's a good sign (no pun intended) too. I am thinking that keeping things quiet around here yesterday and everyone's prayers, helped a lot.

Let's keep praying for a continued good day today. Thank you prayer warriors!

Please Don't Leave Me

2008-05-01T22:17:00.001-07:00

Hi friends. Jane had a rough night and morning today. We were up at 1:30am again, doing the (now) normal routine. We both went back to sleep about 2:00am, but Jane said she did not feel like she was completely emptied; a feeling that she actually looks forward to these days.

About 6:00am, her sister woke me and said, "Jane needs your help." I went in and found Jane sobbing and holding her stomach. I asked, "What's going on," and she showed me her pain patch; it had fallen off some time during the night, and we don't know how long she'd been without medicine.

I called hospice, reapplied the pain patch with more tape, and waited for them to arrive with the "emergency kit." While we were waiting, Jane started to cry and I asked her, "What's going on?" She said, "Please don't leave me." I fell apart. "I could never leave you." I said. I was then reminded of the words of Jesus, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

When the hospice nurse arrived a few minutes later, we were able to get her pain back under control, and she rested comfortably for several hours this afternoon.

We had a nice, quiet day today; the phone did not ring as much, and there was less traffic than the past few days. I feel badly because we even had to restrict a visit from Brent, Shelly, and Lily. Thankfully, they understand.

Jane is resting now, and we are asking you again tonight to partner with us in prayer for peace, and a full night's rest. One more thing: Jane has been having nightmares of sorts, and would also ask you to pray that God will fill her dreams with visions of peace, loveliness, and holy things.

Faith of a Child

2008-04-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

These days, I keep my blood pressure cuff and stethoscope on the bed next to Jane for taking her vitals signs several times a day. This evening, our granddaughter Lily came up and sat on the bed at Jane's feet, and put the stethoscope around her neck.

Then Lily looked at grandma and said, "grandma, can I . . . can I . . . can I . . . fix you?" Jane's eyes welled up with tears, as she marveled at the complete childlike faith of this little girl.

Shortly thereafter, I took Brent, Shelly and Lily back to the hotel again, and this time as I started to drive away, it hit me. Soon this week, we'll be saying goodbye to them as they return to Michigan, and Jane will be saying goodbye to them for good.

Just then, that invisible hand reached out and grabbed me by the throat again, trying to keep me from swallowing, squeezing the very water from my eyes. After a little while, the hand releases its grip, and I return to "normal."

So now, we're settled in for the night; hoping and praying that she gets a full night's sleep; resting in the assurance that if a child can have that kind of faith, maybe we can too.

Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining

2008-04-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

I apologize to those of you who read both of our blogs; at the moment I'm duplicating them just in case some don't read both, and sometimes the postings will be different.

Yesterday afternoon Jane had a blood draw to check her renal panel (kidney function). The doctor called back this morning, and said that he was pleasantly surprised that her blood work looked good, and that there is no sign of starvation yet.

The hospice nurses arrived almost at that same time, and had the same news for us. They accessed Jane's port and began the IV infusion, which has been going now for the past 5-1/2 hours. She will be finished with the infusion shortly, and we will flush her port, and leave it accessed until tomorrow, when she'll have another infusion. We'll do this for the next 6 days if all goes well.

Jane is feeling fairly good right now, so that will be a blessing for her sister when she arrives this afternoon; we also have a couple more family members coming later this week and next week. Brent, Shelly, Lily and me visited the hospital today where I work. The nursing staff (my dear friends and colleagues) have been so wonderful to us, and they were all excited to meet my family.

I dropped them back off at the hotel, and came home for a nap. It's about time for us to disconnect Jane's infusion pump for the day, so I'll post later as things go on.

Rough Night the Norm?

2008-04-30T03:43:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends. It's early morning (3:20AM) and I was up with Jane again for the past 45 min. or so. She had another bout tonight. We were talking afterward, and decided it's probably a good thing that it happens in the wee hours of the morning; that way the kids don't have to witness it.

Today, Jane will receive an IV infusion of D5 saline with some potassium to help hydrate her a little, and perhaps make her more comfortable. The infusion will start around 10:00am and go for about 6 hours (slowly). During that time Jane will be resting and maybe catching up on some needed sleep.

Everyone has been very gracious an honored our request to not stop by or call. I imagine it must be very difficult for you to have to stay away; Pam has told me that some have expressed a strong desire to see Jane one last time. We do understand that, but Jane is not up for that at this time. If things change, I will let you know.

"I anticipated the dawning of the morning, and cried: I hoped in thy words." --Psalm 119:147 ASB.

Have I Made a Difference?

2008-04-29T22:00:00.000-07:00

Hi friends. This is Doug posting for Jane tonight. If you have read my blog, you will know that Jane had a rough night last night. Up sick from about 2:15 -3:15AM.

After awaking this morning, I was talking with Jane, and I shared an email that my sister Pam received from a Korean lady that used to live here. Jane had a conversation with her at the Church picnic at the Osborn Aquatic Center. Here is the message that she sent to Pam:

"I'm very sorry to hear that Jane is fighting against cancer. I remember her play instrument in the service time. I can't forget a conversation with her in the "church picnic at OAC".

I asked what school her kids attend. She said her husband (your brother) got lay-off from his workplace, so her children had to transfer to public school from Zion school. I was so surprised at that time."

"It was very big and hard change for her and her family. But she was calm and sound. She said it's good opportunity for her husband to have music education." [She must have misunderstood Jane on that point. -Doug].

"I learned what is right attitude at a turning point of life-whether it's good or bad in our view- from her. "I thought it's because of power of belief."

"I'll pray for her. Please say my greeting to her."

Jane read the email, and began to cry. I asked her what was going on and she said, "I want to know that I've made a difference."

If you know Jane, or even if you're beginning to get to know her through our blogs, you'll probably agree that she has made a difference in so many people's lives. I recited the names of several people who Jane befriended during the years that I've known her. People that many have found difficult to love; people that have been rejected, unheard, unrecognized. But Jane has seen something in them that was worth loving; worth spending time with.

She has listened patiently during long conversations with those people; not judging them, but rather encouraging them, and inspiring them to rise above whatever situation they were in.

I also reminded her of how she met a Christian man 22 years ago, who was just coming out of a painful divorce, and how she endured his selfishness, lack of wisdom, and numerous other flaws, to watch patiently as God molded him into a man who could truly love her unconditionally.

I assured her from the depths of my heart, "you have made a difference."

Fund Raiser at Woodstock's Pizza

2008-04-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

Our dear friends are organizing a fund-raiser at Woodstock's Pizza on May 5th.
Friends of Jane and Doug can go to Woodstock's Pizza on May 5th, no matter the time, take out or dine in, and 50% of the money spent on food (pizza, drinks, etc.) will go to the fund to help support us. The fund-raising could not happen without the restaurant being so supportive and generous, our friends spreading word, and people coming to support that day.

Jane is hoping to feel well enough to attend the fund-raiser, so if you'd like to see her and support our family at the same time, please plan to attend. We will post the time we anticipate Jane will be there in a future posting on this blog and hers.

Thank you dear friends and Woodstock's!

Some Suggestions About Etiquette

2008-04-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

Blessings to our friends, from Doug! Jane will be trying to update her blog on a more regular basis (every other day or so). At times, I will make updates for her; and you are encouraged to read my blog too for a slightly different perspective on things.

Jane and I had a frank conversation with the Hospice nurse and the oncologist on Wednesday, and both agree that Jane may only have 3-4 weeks left. The hospice nurse told Jane, "It's up to you to prove us wrong." We laughed.

Some of you may ask as we did, why? One explanation for the seemingly sudden change is that Jane is not tolerating any food intake at all anymore; about the only thing she can keep down now is ice chips/water. This had been happening over the past month or more, but has really come to a head in the last 2 weeks.

We asked about TPN (Total parenteral nutrition) which is essentially IV food, and the oncologist is concerned about two factors: one is fluid overload, which could be detrimental to Jane's current condition, and the other, harsh as it may sound, is needless prolonging of suffering.

At this point, Jane is in little to no pain thanks to medication (The role of the hospice nurse it to keep it that way), and is in good spirits.

My son Brent and his family are coming sooner than originally planned. We were able to get an emergency exception to the non-transferrable tickets purchased for the 16th of May, and they will now be arriving on April 29th. This change was also a result of the accelerated sense of urgency.

Jane and I have developed the following "etiquette" list for interactions with our family in the next few weeks, and trust that each of you will understand, and be respectful of these wishes.

Please, no drop-in visitors. We will be having a rather full house with family coming from various parts of the country, and it can get overwhelming.
If you would like to visit, please call in advance and we will let you know if Jane is up for it.
NOTE: One of the best types of visits, and something Jane thoroughly enjoys, is receiving little cards with a brief personal note.
Jane has requested that people not ask her how me or the kids are doing. It's difficult for either of us to answer that question. Generally speaking, they (and me) are doing as well as can be expected.
Finally, although we appreciate the intent behind nutritional (and even survival) suggestions, Jane feels confident that we are doing, and have done, everything we can.

We continue to be amazed daily by the unending outpouring of love and support from everyone, and we hope that will continue. This is true evidence of the Love of God that dwells in each of you.

April 22

2008-04-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well friends, I wish I had better news to share, but I don't. The PET scan showed 'marked progression' of the cancer throughout my abdominal area. There are also new tumors surrounding the liver, stomach, and kidney. There is a thickening in the omentum (this is a layer of tissue that covers the abdominal cavity), which they say is probably diseased.

This does not come as a surprise to me, considering how I've been feeling. The difficulty in eating comes from what the doctor believes is the cancer pushing on my intestines and not from any significant blockage at this point. I am only able to drink liquids in small, frequent quantities. It's not that I don't have an appetite. I am very, very hungry and want to eat. But when I try to eat something solid, I pay dearly for it later in the day. I'm just not digesting well at all.

Doctor Neville said we could go back to the regime I was on last year (neuropathy, cold sensitivity) but he thought that would only have a 15-20% chance of helping. So, not a viable option for me. He said should I not do further treatment that we should call hospice as I have probably only a matter of months. We are meeting with a hospice nurse today.

I don't know what else to say. This all speaks for itself. I figured the hardest part would be controlling the pain. I never thought that I'd have to stop eating too, at least not at this point when I can still enjoy it. This is a real disappointment to me and I am struggling in accepting this aspect. I will be working with my brother-in-law who is a naturopath doctor in terms of getting the nutrition I need into my system. But there's nothing like biting into a nice steak or eating sushi (my personal favorite).

So friends, we obviously need prayers. I'm not sure how this will progress. At this point it's pain control and nutrition.

Everyone, everyone, has been incredibly gracious and generous to us. Your love has brought us to tears many times, the light of God showing through your loving acts of kindness. God has assured me that my family will get through this, still my deepest sadness comes from leaving my dear ones behind. My young but sometimes surprisingly wise 18 year old son Daniel stood at my side the other day and said, "mom, it's ok. These temporary times of sadness lead to eternal happiness." Blew me away.

Please continue in your prayers for peace and acceptance, come what may.

I love you all
Jane

Reporting from the real Jane

2008-04-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

The Way I See It #259

"People say, oh I could never do that! But when you meet cancer patients you understand the bravery and spirit those people show each and every day. Their struggles and spirit motivate you to test the limits of your endurance to cross that finish line. You'll be surprised at what you can do."

-John Kellenyi, eight-time marathoner and leading fund raiser with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team In Training.

Interestingly, this was on a Starbuck's cup filled with a latte (the last one I drank several weeks ago). My sister-in-law had not read the cup when she got the coffees.

I always maintained that I would never do chemotherapy if I got cancer again (I had lymphoma in 1975). And here I am, 15 months of chemotherapy later, wiped out and barely able to eat. It is amazing what we will do to survive. I don't think we're instantly brave or strong. It's the determination to go on, to feel we're "finished" with our task on earth that brings those strengths out of us. Not everyone is called upon to use them, but I believe everyone possesses them. No one can say "I'll never do that" or even "you should do this or that" because you just don't know until you're walking through these tremendously hard decisions yourself. And nobody knows but yourself when it's time to relinquish the fight, not out of cowardice, but perhaps from some eventual inner knowing that, in the grander scheme, it's time to cross that finish line that God has set before you.

These last several weeks have been the hardest yet. I've layed in bed thinking that I cannot do this much longer. What good is treatment if it's making you so miserable that you can't do any more than wander from the couch to the bed. And especially when treatment isn't making a difference. All this time, the treatments have only served to stave off the inevitable. And that is the real issue. They never told me this would be cured. When the cancer broke through to my lung area, I definately turned a corner, physically and emotionally.

We're not sure yet as to if these last few treatments have made a difference. I was supposed to get 16, I didn't even make it through 4 complete ones. I will have a PET scan this Friday and we'll see. For now, we are taking a "chemo holiday," and at this point, I'm not sure if I want another drop of the stuff. The doctor talked about going back on the same treatment I had last year, as we are running out of options. I think I pretty much gave him a blank stare.

At this point, I honestly can't say that I'll do more chemo, unless they come up with some miracle drug. I'm so burnt out from it. And oddly, I feel a sense of freedom. If I can have a few good months with my family, share another summer, savor the beauty of God's creation here on this earth, smell the sea, feel the coolness of the mountains, sit in a boat on a lake, even just watch the birds come and go from our bird feeder... this will be time well spent.

Pray with me, dear friends, for wisdom and peace, for the rest of my days to be as pain free as possible. Pray for my dear family, for comfort, for security, for peace that passes understanding.

I will let you know scan results probably next Monday.

Jane

PS: I am not checking any video attachments or web stuff that is sent to my computer. My computer is slow and these things take a long time to open. If you need to send this type of mail, please send to Doug's computer via his blogsite. Thanks! Love you all!!

Nice Week with My Sisters

2008-04-11T12:07:00.001-07:00

(Doug Posting for Jane)

My sisters, Terry and Sue, came from California to visit me this week. They arrived last Saturday, and left just about 20 minutes ago. They were so helpful, keeping me up and walking, feeding me, having intimate sister conversations. It was wonderful, and tough to let them go.

My spirits were high all week long, and I have been up more in the past week than in the past month and a half.

I had a chemo treatment yesterday, only the Erbitux, and so it went pretty fast. The oncology nurses at Ambulatory Infusion gave us some wonderful gifts this week. First of all, the secretary at the center brought over two coolers with casseroles in them for the family, which came in especially handy feeding the 7 of us (my two sisters and us). Yesterday, during my treatment, I was given a card with a variety of gift cards, such as Pizza Hut (great for the kids), Fred Meyer, Safeway, etc. etc. These kind of practical gifts are wonderful!

So many of you have, and continue to support us physically, financially, spiritually, and emotionally. We cannot begin to thank all of you enough for all the love you have extended to us. And we want each of you to know that we LOVE you! Not only for what you DO, but mostly for WHO (WHOSE) you are! If it were not for Jesus being in your lives, all this could not have been possible.

I continue to struggle with pain in my abdomen, and difficulty eating (mostly because it causes my stomach to hurt). We are trying to get the pain to a manageable level, by taking hot towel treatments (that Doug applies) Epsom salt baths, etc. I am still tired most of the time, and my stomach is turning and churning a lot of the time as well.

That's about all for now. I am scheduled to have two or three more treatments, and then a PET scan to see how my body has responded. Please pray for continued endurance, and positive results from the PET scan.

With love to all . . .

Jane and Doug

March 29

2008-03-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends: Doug here again for Jane.

I can't believe it's been exactly one month since the last post on Jane's blog. It seems (to me) as if time is dragging, excruciatingly slow. That is probably a good thing, since time is all we have. And Jane and I have been spending a lot of time together.

The new treatments with Erbitux have been a challenge for Jane, to say the least. She has been in more pain lately; most of it in the abdomen, which can be a side-effect of the treatment. Jane had a blood transfusion about 10 days ago, due to low H&H (hemoglobin and hematocrit). Our hope was that the transfusion would increase her energy level, however it does not seem to have worked that way.

Jane is also having difficulty eating. Well, not so much the eating part, but simply finding something that will agree with her. She cannot tolerate anything spicy, or peppery at all. Even things that most of us would disregard as being spicy, are hard for her to eat. Consequently, her weight continues to decline, although slowly.

Together we're holding up ok. I have been having my moments, and would ask for your prayers to help me continue to be strong through all of this. It tears me up to see her like this, and I want her to feel better, for her sake.

Jane says that her one wish right now is to have one more season (this summer) to ride her motorcycle. May God grant that request.

Thank you all again for all you do . . . doug

February 29

2008-02-29T19:20:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends,

Doug here, posting on behalf of Jane. She has not been feeling well lately, and many of you have been asking about her, so I'll try to fill you in on what's been happening for the past 8 days.

In her last post, Jane told about having a needle biopsy (ultrasound guided thoracentesis for you medical-types). I was at work on Saturday last, and the oncologist called Jane at home with the results. She was told that the sample drawn contained cancer cells, and that he wanted to talk with us on Monday (last). I took off work early, and we went to see Dr. Neville at 4:40pm on Monday. He recommended a new drug to approach the cancer, had the lab draw blood cultures, and scheduled a CT scan for next Wednesday.

Jane and I got home about 6:00pm, and by 9:00pm she had spiked a fever of 103°F. Then it was off to the Emergency Room, where they took blood cultures, chest X-ray and a CT scan. Needless to say, Jane was pretty worn-out by then. I brought her home at 3:00am after the results of the blood tests and CT were looked at. It turns out that her blood work showed no infection, and the CT showed a thickened omentum. We're not sure what that means right now. Anyway, after some Tylenol her temperature was down and the ER doc sent us home.

Yesterday (Thursday) Jane started on the new regimen of chemotherapy, which had to be done at the hospital, to observe her for any reactions to the new drug (Erbitux). The treatment went well, albeit slow, and Jane came home at 8:45pm on Thursday night. Today, she was feeling well enough to go out with a friend to the dollar store to get a few things for Amy's birthday which is today.

We celebrated Amy's birthday with her friends, pizza, and cake, and then Amy and her friends went to the MU on campus to bowl and play games.

Jane is resting right now, not feeling to good. She gets worn out very easily, so we're going to try and take things even more slowly now. This new chemo treatment is scheduled to continue for the next 16 weeks (yes, that's right, 16 WEEKS). If you are praying for Jane, please pray that she will be able to tolerate these treatments for as long as necessary. She has generally been in good spirits, but can always use people lifting her up in prayer.

Thank you to everyone who are helping us out in our time of need. Jane and I are overwhelmed with the response of our family, friends, and neighbors. God bless you, everyone!

doug

February 21

2008-02-21T11:24:00.000-08:00

I come to the office each morning and stay for long hours doing what has to be done to the best of my ability. And when you've done the best you can you can't do any better.
- Harry S. Truman

Well, I don't go "to the office" anymore, but each day poses it's own challenges. All any of us can do is the best we can to the best of our ability, no matter what challenges we face.

We found a great home for our puppy Hazel. She gets to run, romp, and play on 9 acres with a "big brother" male boxer. I think she will be very happy there. We miss her, but I believe this has been the right decision. It's great to know she's gone to a good home. Still working on the cat issue...

I had to skip treatment again this week, as pneumonia isn't cleared up yet. In fact, there's a spot of fluid on my upper right lung that they want to biopsy. So, today at 1:00 I am going in for a needle biopsy. Not really looking too forward to it. I just hope the numbing beforehand works really good!! I don't like being awake for these procedures. It's kind of freaky.

Anyhow, we actually went out for a short cycle ride last Saturday. Should I have gone? That's debatable. But it felt great to be out and riding again, though still a bit cold. I was exhausted but happy when we got home. So I think it was worth it! Carpe Diem!!

I'll let you know how biopsy goes today. More later,

Jane

February 15

2008-02-15T09:59:00.000-08:00

Wow, finally getting back to my blog. The last few weeks have not been so great. After last treatment (Jan 30), I was really wiped out, sleeping a ton. My back started hurting about 6 days into treatment cycle. At first it felt like muscle pain then it moved into my right lung and it really hurt to breathe. Long story short, I ended up the pneumonia. We were actually very relieved to know that's all it was! Thankfully, I didn't have to get hospitalized, and was sent home with antibiotics. I am healing, getting some energy back, though still have some discomfort in breathing and lung area. But it's so much better than it was!

I had to skip treatment (13th) because of this (which was ok by me). We'll see if I'm well enough next week to have another go at it. Red blood count is low (I'll get a shot to boost this next week), otherwise all other blood work is still good. CEA level is down to 6.8, which is also very good that it's coming down more. There's nothing worse than to go through all this and feel that it's not doing any good. So these blood tests are encouraging.

The doc in Seattle went on vacation until this week and is supposed to be reviewing my scan and getting back to me. His assistant corresponded with me last week to say he's very busy but will get back to me as soon as he can.

So in the meantime I'll continue with chemo. Doc Neville wants me to do 3 more treatments of this regime. We may or may not scan again after that, just have to wait and see how I'm feeling.

Prayers would be to hear from the surgeon soon and wisdom in going forward with surgery. Also for Doug's peace of mind and finding a different position at the hospital. CNA work is very hard, especially with 12 hour shifts. Also for the kids, that they will make right coping choices during these times of stress. Daniel got a job at Dairy Queen, but he needs more hours. Amy is doing well in school and just joined LaCrosse so this should keep her busy.

We also need to make some decisions on our pets. I just can't care for them and I've had to spend some money on one of my cats who is sick. I'm torn between finding out what's wrong with her and spending the money. We won't do any interventive stuff for her but just want to keep her comfortable or, if she has something terminal, to put her down. So I need wisdom here. Also, if you know anyone who would love to own an 8 month old female Boxer pup, let us know. She's really a wonderful dog but too much for our household right now.

Friends and family still prove to be an incredible support. We honestly could not make it through this without you all. We have been remiss to send thank you's and such, but please know how much we greatly appreciate all your kindnesses and sacrifices to us. It just goes beyond
words.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend (maybe more sun!!?)

Jane

January 24

2008-01-24T11:33:00.001-08:00

The scan showed overall improvement, which is good. My CEA level has come down to 11 (from 17) which is also good. I missed treatment this week because of the cold, but will go in next Wednesday (30th) for treatment #6 of this round. In the meantime, I'm on a 7-day course of antibiotics. We're going to stay on the current regime, which is also good, as I didn't want to go back on the oxylyplatin. Kind of nice to have a break, but also still want to get treatment. It's a paradox!

My oncologist and surgeon have contacted the doc up in Seattle, so we're waiting to hear back from him. My sense is that he may want to see more remission before doing the surgery, so we'll hopefully hear back from him in the next few days.

Just waiting, listening, hoping, surviving, surrendering, enjoying each day.

More later,
Jane

January 20

2008-01-20T13:14:00.000-08:00

Just a real quick one. On my birthday, the insurance company phoned me. They said there had been a discrepancy in policies (work hours) between two of the insurance offices, or something like that, and that they did indeed approve my disability claim! I told the woman on the phone that it was my birthday and this was a fantastic birthday present! So, thanks to Fred at church for pursuing this for me.

I came down with a cold on my birthday too. Oh well, ain't that life? Anyhow, this may affect my ability to get treatment on Wednesday. Please pray I get over this cold enough to get treatment.

I haven't heard anything yet as far as the scan. I will know something for sure on Tuesday, possibly tomorrow. I will let you know.

Enjoy football games today!
Jane

January 15

2008-01-15T15:13:00.000-08:00

"Your surrounding friends will take good care of you."
- fortune cookie

Hi all,

I had treatment #5 last Wednesday and just today feel like I'm semi-normal. This one took more wind out of my sails. My bloodwork CEA level climbed to 17 a couple of weeks ago. Dr. Neville thought he would have seen it go down by now (although last week it went down 1 point, for what that's worth). Since there hasn't been a significant change in the CEA he wants to do the PET scan this Friday (Jan 18), to "see what's going on." This is fine by me.

Again, the prayer at this time is that I'll be able to have the IPHC surgery. (Not that I'm eager to be operated on stem to stern, but as I've been saying, "drastic times call for drastic measures.") This will perhaps increase my odds of a longer survival. Dr. Neville also mentioned possible clinical trials with a couple of biologic drugs they are testing at this time, and that also he would contact some docs up at OHSU who are "interested in these types of problems." I responded well to the Oxilyplatin before, but that's the one that causes neuropathy and I am not too eager to go back on that one. We'll just have to see what the scan shows.

My disability claim was denied so I am looking into appealing it. Apparently I needed to be working 40 hours a week and not 30-35. Didn't know that. We'll see how that goes. I understand getting disability has gotten to be very difficult. Too bad for the folks out there that really need it.

So, tomorrow is my 53rd birthday. Wow, it sounds old and then young at the same time. Depends on what you're comparing it to, I suppose. I am glad to see the sun today and they say more tomorrow, so I will plan to soak some in as much as I can.

I will let you know the scan results, probably early next week.

Have a good week
Jane

January 6

2008-01-06T10:56:00.000-08:00

Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties.
- Spurgeon

Nice to see snow today! I love how the white blankets everything. It feels so peaceful.

We were able to get away for a couple of days this week with the kids over to the coast. It was good to get away and have a change of scenery for a bit. Though it was extremely stormy, we had a fun time, lots of laughs (usually during meals). This reiterated to me the importance of sharing meals together around the table, not something we take time to do alot as everyone seems to be on different schedules.

Things are moving along. Treatment hasn't been too bad except that the mouth sores came back this week. This makes talking and eating laborious and things don't taste the same as normal. But, I do manage to get the food down and the words out! I've been a little tired and have to remember to pace myself.

The kids are doing well at this time. We talk openly about things and I think this is healthy. Doug is working hard and it has been a struggle on him physically. Please pray for his stamina, both emotional and physical, and that perhaps another less physically demanding position will open up at the hospital. We do need the insurance!!

So two more treatments, next one (#5) is Wednesday the 9th. After the 6th treatment on the 23rd, I'll more than likely have a PET scan the following Friday, Feb. 1. Please pray for these next two treatments, that I can tolerate them well, and that they are doing their job.

I'm just taking things day to day, trying not to look too far ahead, but at the same time, prepare for possible scenarios that may present themselves in the next several weeks. Should I be eligible for the IPHC surgery I would think this would take place relatively soon. One thing is that my son Daniel turns 18 on Feb. 9, and Amy turns 16 on Feb. 29 (leap year baby!). I sure don't want to miss those birthdays. But we'll have to wait and see how the logistics play out.

Your continued prayers and thoughts are always welcomed. I have to say again that we simply could not do this without all the help and support that has been poured out to us from family and dear friends. Everyone has been just amazing!

May the Lord bless your 2008! Take care of yourselves, get your check-ups, eat well, and take time for time outs.

Love to all,
Jane

December 18

2007-12-19T19:07:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

I was able to get down to California earlier this month (between treatments) to see my family. It was one of the best visits I've had down there. We managed to get most of the family together for dinner one night (there were 32 of us. We took up 2/3 of the restaurant and that did not include all of us!) One of my nephew's took me Christmas light sightseeing in a part of town where every house is decked out with lights. It was just a very pleasant time. Everyone was so glad to see me, some asked if I would move back down there. Of course, that is not going to happen, but it's hard for them to be so far away from me as they all want to help and be near. And I too, wish we could be closer.

I have a wonderful family – blood relations, by marriage, and my church family. Because of the tremendous support we are receiving here, I was able to reassure my California family that I am being well taken care of. This comes as great relief to them, and they have been amazed at the generosity of all that are helping us.

I had treatment #3 the day after I got back on the 12th and will have #4 on the 26th. Side effects are not too bad except that I'm beginning to get mouth sores again and having intermittent tummy aches, so am trying to stay on top of that. Of course, energy level is down some but thankfully I am able to get rest.

These days I have a heightened awareness of each day and appreciation of what it contains. I'm noticing small pleasures – walking outside and taking in a deep breath of fresh air, dew dripping off the trees, listening to the rain, playing with our puppy. A couple of weeks ago while it was raining, I looked out the window and the sun was out too! And that's how life is right now. The sun is shining right along in the darkness. Blessings abound in the midst of trial. How can I be anything but thankful to a God that He alone can create such a paradox? I have been reassured that all will be taken care of, no matter what. And this brings me peace.

I wish for all a very blessed Christmas season and wonderful times with your families.

Thanks for prayers. Keep 'em coming! Lord bless you all!
Jane

November 14

2007-11-14T17:52:00.000-08:00

Well friends, things have moved fast since the last blog update.

I am sorry to report that the PET scan did indeed show cancer activity. It is showing in several areas in my abdomen, at the initial site, as well as spots around my liver, which is hard to say the depth of them from the scan alone. This, of course explains why I've been feeling the way I have. Even though my blood work still looked good, it's obvious that the CEA level will not be an accurate guage. He told me all along that it can be an ambiguous number.

I found out Monday evening. Doug and I went to see Dr. Neville yesterday. He had me start chemo today. One bright spot is that I won't have the drug that causes neuropathy and the cold sensitivity. That was the most irritating side effect last time. They are replacing it with a different one, which comes with it's own side effects which I hope will be more manageable than dealing with neuropathy.

The current plan is that I have 4-6 treatments (2 week intervals) then another scan. If it goes back into remission I will more than likely do the IPHC surgery we were going to do last May. We've already contacted the doc up there and he concurs that we do chemo first and get it in remission. My being a candidate for this surgey will be particularly dependent on the cancer not being in any other organs. Only the liver appears to be involved at this point.

For those who forgot what IPHC is, it stands for Intra-Peritoneal Hyperthermic (heated) Chemotherapy. So they go in, cut out any remaining cancer that's visible, then flood the abdominal cavity with heated chemotherapy, which is supposed to kill cancer cells better than the room temperature stuff. But, we're a ways off from that decision. If you really want to know about the surgery, just type in IPHC and you can wade through the webpages.

Please pray for peace in my spirit. I've been so distraught. Also, for my family, kids. It's hit everyone pretty hard. I have to say that I can already feel the strength in your prayers. I woke up this morning not with dread, but with a sense of resolve to do whatever it's going to take to prolong my life. The treatment went well today. My blood pressure stayed down, and thus far I'm feeling ok.

I want you to know how valuable and powerful prayer is! I'm more and more being blown away by God's love that is pouring through you, dear ones. You have truly been His hands.

We will keep you posted. If not before Thanksgiving, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your families. Savor these moments. Make them unforgettable.

Jane

November 10

2007-11-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - Serenity Prayer

Hi to all,

Well, it's been a while. I had a great October. My sister-in-laws were kind enough to treat me to a 4 day cruise to British Columbia! We had a great time. The highlight for me was whale watching and saw many orcas, even some dolphins! Doug and I had some great motorcycle rides too, but haven't been out for a few weeks now.

As life has it's many demands on us, I am finding it's taking pretty much all my energy to just get to work and keep up with the house. With Doug as a full-time student now, I am currently the main breadwinner in the family, which is stressing me. The better I was feeling, the more I was working. Things were going OK but then I started feeling not too tip top these past few weeks. I realized that I was pushing myself again. I came home from work this week with rather severe stomach pains. The doc thinks it's acid reflux or something like that, and is treating it as such, but I was unable to work for the rest of the week, and that stressed me out again!

I requested an early PET scan (were going to do one in December). So I had one yesterday (Friday) and should know the results by mid-week. My blood tests still look good. The CEA level went up some (2.5 - it was 1.9) but is still in the normal range. The doc said it can fluctuate alot at these low levels.

Doug and I both realize that I am still in a healing process, and the future of my health is too uncertain at this time to bank on my being able to work enough to 'make the rent' and carry the health insurance. We are reevaluating the practicality of him staying in the nursing program versus him quitting the program and getting a job, or deciding if we can survive on him having a part time job and stay in school. I really don't want him to quit, he's come so far. And the Trade Act is paying for his schooling. Should he decide to return to nursing school at a later time, we'd have to cover the costs ourselves. The other key will be if he can find a job that pays well enough to cover what I can't, and one that will allow him to stay in this area. In all honesty, we have both been depressed and confused.

God has provided thus far through many generous friends and family members. But the question of what the 'right' thing to do is still rolls around our heads. And I wonder if we're not trusting enough or if indeed, we are being led in another direction and need to go that way for a time.

I want to trust that when it's time to make that decision, we'll have more direction.

We would sure appreciate your prayers as we travel through this phase. I will let you know next week what the scan shows.

Jane

October 4

2007-10-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

Quote for the day:
"Don't think about it so much." -found on the inside of a Dove chocolate wrapper).

I had my monthly blood check on Monday, and my two month doctor visit yesterday. Everything still looks real good, in fact, the CEA level is even lower - 1.9!!! So, this is very encouraging and gives me yet another respite and something to be very thankful for. The neuropathy is still with me and may be something I need to get used to for the duration.

Doug has started school and so far is doing well. This means, though, that he is not working at this time. Finances are tight to say the least. We will re-evaluate after this school term as to if he needs to work a weekend shift. I am working pretty much full time for now.

So, things are good and moving along, intermixed with some very big challenges. I believe one of the lessons I am in the process of learning is how to live in the 11th hour, one day at a time, no worries about tomorrow. This is difficult for someone who really likes all her ducks in a row!! I've forgotten these last couple of weeks that God is in control and is bigger than any problem I can come to Him with, but through a series of events, He's showing me, once again, that He is in the big AND the small things. So, this is a lesson that I hope to grab hold of soon! I need to keep looking to Him and not to the circumstances.

Thank you for continued prayers. They really, really do make a huge difference.
Any thoughts are welcomed.

Jane

September 6

2007-09-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day:

The one resolution, which was in my mind long before it took the form of a resolution, is the key-note of my life. It is this, always to regard as mere impertinences of fate the handicaps which were placed upon my life almost at the beginning. I resolved that they should not crush or dwarf my soul, but rather be made to blossom, like Aaron's rod, with flowers.
- Helen Keller

Dear friends,

Well, after waiting for a few days for the doctor to call, I decided to call about my test results and got the nurse to look them up on the computer (doc was out of the office today). To my surprise, the CEA level is down 3/10 of a point! (anything lower I'll take!!). So, it is currently at 2.0 from 2.3 six weeks ago. This was exceptionally good news to me, as my mind was starting to wander into the gloomy zone. I'm a bit anemic, but the nurse said for an oncology patient my blood levels are 'stellar'. So, wow, what more could I ask for this day? Now I can rest easier this weekend!

I know that I will make it through this season of life only by God's grace. Life is not slowing down in the Easton home, or anywhere else, for that matter. In fact, with Doug and Daniel starting LBCC on the 24th and Doug also working weekends soon, Amy, now a Sophomore at CV, and me back working (nearly 30 hours a week)... well, what more can I say? Yes, lots of grace!!

Please pray with me that I spend my days learning more and more how to focus only on what's truly important, and let all the other inconsequential activities and busyness fall away; and to spend the best of my energies on the things of eternal value (where neither dust nor moth destroys - Matt. 6:20).

Thanks once again to all for your many prayers and thoughts. I do believe they make the difference! I will continue to keep you posted. I'll try to get some motorcycle pics on here soon too!

Jane

August 21

2007-08-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

I am gradually recovering from chemo. I have a good amount of energy back, but I do notice that I 'hit a wall' when I've done too much, and need to watch for that. The neuropathy in my fingers and toes is changing a bit, as it's actually a little more painful, but the ND doc says this is not necessarily bad, unless of course if it gets worse. My nerve endings are in the repairing process, and this sometimes brings different sensations. I'm eating well (most of the time!) and trying to keep up on the supplements. My mouth is better and I am gaining back taste buds. I even think I'm getting a few eyebrows back. Although I know these peripheral side effects aren't life changing, it's just nice to see some sense of normalcy. The body is an amazing thing, always working hard to repair itself. We truly are 'wonderfully made'.

I'm back working, not quite full time, but up to about 27 hours last week. It's good to be busy, although it's kind of hard spending my 'good time' at work when I'd rather be taking advantage of what's left of the summer! (who wouldn't?) But, life marches on regardless of our situations. Bills need to be paid!!

That's not to say I'm not sneaking in some fun time. We had a good ride last Saturday to the coast. It felt good to be riding again. And, we have a new addition to the family: a puppy! Amy has been wanting one for some time now. After much searching, we finally settled on one. Her name is Hazel, she's an 8 week old boxer. So far, she seems to be a very calm doggie, even for a puppy. She's pretty much Amy's dog, at least for now. I'm taking a low profile on this one! Amy just loves her!!

So, next blood check is Sept. 3. Kind of nervous but also feeling that I'm resting in God's hands. This cancer thing is so huge, that one has to lay their hope in something much larger, no matter what may come down the pike. There's a point of surrender, not to be confused with giving up, but it's the best way to walk through life in general, I'm finding out after 52 years!

Anyway, hope you all have a nice rest of the summer. I'll keep you posted.
Jane

August 6

2007-08-06T17:22:00.001-07:00

We saw Dr. Neville last Friday and he agrees it's time for a break. Yahoo! After two weeks, I'm still feeling tired from last treatment. I can't even imagine... today I would have gone in for another. The mouth sores are almost gone, so at least I can eat better. I lost 5 pounds just last week from not being able to eat very well. I'm sure it won't be a problem to put those pounds right back on though! The neuropathy is still here, and he said it could take up to a year for some of these side effects to go away. Powerful drugs, this chemo stuff.

The plan now is to have my blood CEA level checked once a month, see Dr. Neville in 2 months, and have a scan in 3 months. My CEA level is still at 2.3 (3.0 and below is normal), so he is pleased with this. (Did you know that everyone has a CEA level? Even healthy people? I thought that was interesting). After looking at the scans they did in Seattle, he considers the spots on my lungs and liver to be 'in remission', although it's still not clear to them exactly what those spots are/were???

So, for the time being, I'll work on getting my energy level back up, my tastebuds back, and feeling back to normal in my hands and feet. Hopefully I'll be able to be off chemo long enough to get some hair back too! It would be nice to feel and look 'normal' for a while and enjoy life.

All this is so much in God's hands. I'm just trodding along this pathway, trying not to bargain too much with him, (let me see my kids graduate, let me see them married, let me see my grandchildren, etc...) but to listen to him, stay connected to him, trust him. This is all I can do with an uncertain future. But then again, aren't all our futures somewhat uncertain? Heaven knows, you could be driving happily along on a bridge, and the next moment, it's crumbling beneath you. Is there any rhyme or reason? That is the question, isn't it?

Enough philosophising. I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer. I will stay in touch.

Jane

August 1

2007-08-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties.
- -- Spurgeon

We saw the ND on Monday and was encouraged. It's amazing how much more time they take with you than the MD's. Two hours of talking and putting a plan together to help build my immune system back up. He's starting slow (thankfully we're weren't innundated with a bunch of stuff) and for now it's mainly dietary stuff and a few supplements to help rebuild. To hold me accountable, we agreed that I would email him once a week with what I'm eating day to day and if I'm taking the supplements! This is what I need! I'll write more on that and him later.

I am beginning to feel better as the days pass, and as soon as the sores in my mouth are gone that will make a big difference. It's amazing how a few little sores can affect the whole body!

Thanks again for your prayers of support and I'll let you know what Dr. Neville says on Friday.

Jane

July 27

2007-07-27T13:45:00.000-07:00

These last couple of days are a blur. Treatment #10 is as far as I go for now. My blood pressure shot up past 200 during this last treatment so we had to stop one of the drugs. I went on to have the other three, but boy oh boy, am I feeling it. I've slept alot since Monday. Stomach stuff, fever, etc. I will see Dr. Neville next Friday to discuss taking a break and what the plan during that will be. He's in favor of the break, so I feel good about that. My 'tumor marker' (blood CEA level) is still at 2.3 which is good.

In the meantime, I will be seeing a natureopathic doc (Dr. Weizer) through the Providence Cancer Center in Portland on Monday. He himself is a cancer survivor. He mainly treats cancer patients, particularly with supplements and nutrition, so I look forward to building my body back up and feeling good again, for, Lord willing, as long as I can. Hopefully, as I build up my immune system, my body will have a better chance of fighting. Should I need more chemo down the road, my body will at least be stronger to handle the side effects.

The one thing I like about this ND is that he works with a team and there is also an MD on staff, so they seem really balanced. Plus his fees are half of what I was going to pay down in Ashland, so this is more do-able for us. Dr. Neville was surprisingly OK with this and is interested in what Dr. Weizer recommends for me.

Friends and family, don't fear. I will track closely with Dr. Neville through this whole process. He will check me regularly (not sure how often yet), and I certainly have not closed the door to more chemotherapy or even more surgery should I need it in the future. But for now, I really, really need a break.

Fall plans: Doug will proceed with nursing school come September. Daniel is going into the welding program at LBCC (pray he gets a grant!). Amy will start her Sophomore year at CV, I will keep working as much as possible. And we'll keep praying for God's will and sustenance through this all.

Please continue your prayers for peace in our home and hearts. Every step in this process brings questions and what ifs. Pray we keep our focus and not be derailed by the uncertainties, and live each day to it's fullest.

Thanks again for your caring support,
Jane

July 14

2007-07-14T12:54:00.000-07:00

Finished up treatment Tuesday. It went better than the day before. They monitored me closely at first. No glitches this time.

I am definately feeling more of the side effects, and have also been rather depressed these last few days. I think it's due in part to the steroids they give me along with treatment. Also, I am so impatient because I want to be out doing things and have such low energy right now. My blood levels have started to change a bit (chemo reaction) so should I go for the next 3 treatments I can only imagine what I might be feeling like by the last one (ugg). I just don't know if I'll be able to psyche myself up enough to finish all 12 cycles. If you asked me today, I'd say no way.

But, this is not a day to make decisions.

Please pray for me to know when to say 'enough' or if I should go the full 12 cycles. Of course, it will depend on how I'm reacting, too. I don't want to wimp out on treatment, but I also don't want to break my system down. I keep telling myself it's only 6 more weeks.

As I finish up chemo, I will need determination to eat well and do the things that are going to help me stay healthy. Please pray also that I am led to the people who can help me get on track and suggest the things I'll need for my particular health needs.

Thanks to all, hope you are having a good weekend.
Jane

July 9

2007-07-09T21:37:00.000-07:00

Things have settled somewhat this week, thankfully. Amy started blueberry picking today and I think this will serve as a good distraction for her (though understandably she's complaining that it's hard work, little pay).

I went to have treatment #9 today and ran into a snag. They are not completely sure why but right after drug #2 started, I got very dizzy, sweaty, my blood pressure dropped to 70. The nurses are really on top of things, I have to say. About 4 of them came in the room. They stopped the drugs, hooked up saline, layed me flat, gave me oxygen, kept checking my BP, and gradually it came back up. I was having some intestinal pain and they said it could have been due to a nerve that's attached to your intestines. If there's a problem, your BP drops. Anyhow, it was scary but thankfully it passed without too much complication.

So, we called it a day, but I go back tomorrow and see if I can finish the treatment. I'm sure they'll be watching me closely at first.

Anyhow, I had a terrific motorcycle ride on July 4 with Melinda (went to Independence, saw the preparations for their big 4th celebration, then headed through Kings Valley and on home. Then on Sat. I went by myself to the coast via Hy20, stopped at Ona Beach for a bit, then headed home through Waldport up Hy34. It was a great ride, and I was pooped when I got home.

I think I try to pack too much into my 'good days' but it's so hard when the weather is nice and I know I have only a few days in which to do stuff. It's doubtful that I'll be able to make it to family camp this weekend (I'll miss seeing the 'family').

I hope you all are fending well in this warm weather and that you are having a great week.

Thanks for all your prayers. God is leading and guiding, even amidst making some pretty tough decisions. I do so cherish your support! Please pray I get through this treatment tomorrow successfully.

Jane

July 2

2007-07-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, drum roll please....

I've definately decided NOT to have the surgery at this time. I can still be a candidate at a later date should the disease not progress outside the abdominal cavity. So, surgery went to the end of my 'options list' for now.

I'm thinking I'll do treatment #9 next week then take a break, or at least ask the doc if I can spread them out a little more (at the suggestion of a friend). The side effects are definately building up.

I'm researching nutrition (serious nutrition!), cleansing, etc. and reading some interesting cases of those who have benefitted from a stringent regime. This will be my next challenge! To be diligent about what I'm putting into my system, detoxifying, taking this very serious. Please pray that I will muster up the energy and determination to follow through. And if you know anything about this, I'd love to hear from you.

Other requests for this week:
- Doug and Amy are taking a motorcycle trip to Christmas Valley tomorrow and Wednesday. They need the time away, but I'm trying not to be anxious! Please pray they have quality time together and for safety, and for me to not worry.

- Amy is very concerned about me (projecting too far into the possible future) and is going through a very confusing time right now with other things as well (lots of tears lately). Please pray for her peace of mind and that she can sort through her feelings. I have to say that my daughter is the most precious thing on this earth to me. I want to tell her that everything is going to be ok, but who can say? I try to stay hopeful in our conversations, but it's hard for anyone, let alone a 15 year old, to live with this type of uncertainty.

This whole disease is such a strange, surreal process. With this first course of treatments coming to an end, I'm stepping once again into unknown territory and frankly, the reality is sometimes overwhelming. There are so many emotions that I too, am sorting through, to find amidst the clutter, the place of peace, rest, and faith. I know it will come, I get glimpses of it, but what a roller coaster ride this is. God's word comforts:

"Immanuel, if I could go into space, you would be there with me. If I could go to the bottom of the ocean, you would be there with me. No matter where I am, I cannot be out of your presence. No matter where I go, your hand will guide me and hold me tight." Psalm 139:7-19

With all that said.... Happy 4th!! Go Celebrate!!

June 27

2007-06-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

I had a good visit with family. Came home in time to have treatment #8 this week.

Just before I left for Calif. we heard from Seattle (actually Doug called them). They had scheduled a pre-op appointment for July 10 and surgery for July 16! But hadn't called us yet! That was kind of annoying, considering I'd left two messages the week prior.

So, I ran this all by my family. With the exception of my dad (who didn't know what to think) they all think I should have it. (Confirmation?) So, I thought I had made my mind up about having it, I come home and now I'm waffling again. I'm just not convinced that this is the right path. There is not a settled-ness in my spirit. I think this goes beyond the general fear factor. There just is not enough significant positive data. From all I read, this COULD double my life expectancy (in 1/3 of patients) should I not suffer from complications (infections, fissures, pulmonary problems, needing subsequent surgeries), or even death from the surgery itself. Of course, these are always risks with any surgery, but the percentages I'm reading, in my opinion, are pretty high, particularly since these studies are based on a group of 40 patients, the other on a group of 60. (Not a large data base). The latest data I'm reading is from 2004, since this is relatively new, particularly with colon cancers. They've chosen me as a good candidate because of age, state of disease at this point, etc. This is 'cutting edge' stuff, and I would be a good one to add to the data, I suppose.

On the other hand, I am responding really well to the chemo I am now receiving. My CEA level (3 and below is normal) has gone down even more in the last two weeks and is now at 2.1. My oncologist is not completely convinced of the surgery either. He seems 50/50 on it. Also, we have not exhausted our resources in terms of treatment options for me at this time. At some point, the chemo will stop working (in terms of data), but no one can say when that will be. I could live just as long with what I'm doing now and not have the surgery. But, of course, no one knows for sure.

So, it's a gamble either way. I'm thinking I'll take my chances and just stay with what I'm doing now and see where this leads. In the meantime, if anyone out there can read the future, please let me know!! :o)

Again, please continue to pray for wisdom, mainly peace in my spirit. We are facing many challenges within the family right now too (kids, we have to put our dog down, finances, etc.) In any event, this time of our life seem to be posing some of the biggest challenges we have yet to face. Please also pray for my daughter Amy, as she's very worried about me lately. I am very spent this week (emotionally and energy wise).

I rest on the faith that God is bigger than all this and He knows all our needs. None of this is a surprise to Him.

I can say am convinced of one thing, and one thing only; that He will take care of us NO MATTER WHAT happens.

I am open to your input at any time. I treasure our relationships!

Jane

June 21

2007-06-20T07:03:00.000-07:00

Taken from the Purpose Driven Life:

"Your spiritual family is even more important than your physical family because it will last forever... our relationship to other believers will continue throughout eternity. It is a much stronger union, a more permanent bond, than blood relationships. When Paul would stop to consider God's eternal purpose for us together, he would break out into praise: "When I think of the wisdom and scope of his plan I fall down on my knees and pray to the Father of all the great family of God, some of them already in heaven and some down here on earth."

I have family members and friends already in heaven. I have many more down here on earth. Your love and support have humbled me beyond words. I often feel undeserving. As we received from you this past weekend in particular, I knew that, no matter what, my family would be taken care of. I believe God wants to pour out his blessings on us all. But we must be willing to first make ourselves vulnerable to both Him and one another. I believe the more we surrender, the more we can receive (on all levels), otherwise we experience God and His power in trickles, not torrents.

I am going to see my dad and my family (all 30+ of them!) this weekend. I'm leaving tomorrow after work and driving to Redding to my sister Terry's first. My dad needs to see me as much as I need to see him, maybe more. He's been through this cancer thing with me once when I was 20. That was one of two times I saw him cry. The second time was when my sister Laurie died of cancer at the age of 42 after a long, strenuous battle. I'm not sure of his spiritual status, he doesn't like to talk about it. But, he has been amazed at the outpouring from all of you as I have shared things with him. This speaks volumes.

I have not heard back from Seattle yet! I will have treatment #8 next Tuesday...

I would appreciate your prayers for stamina these next 6 days, and to have the opportunity to show God's light and hope to my family in San Jose.

Thanks once again to all. Your love has touched me deeply.

Jane

June 16

2007-06-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

I started round 7 of chemotherapy on Monday. Side effects haven't been too bad this time since I had 5 weeks off prior to that.

After much hemming and hawing, searching the web, asking lots of questions, waiting for 3 angelic visits (ha ha)... I've decided to have the surgery. (no, the angels didn't quite appear).

Now, I'm waiting to hear back from the scheduler person in Seattle. First, we'll need to go back up there for another consultation, meet the GI oncologist, then hope to get on the surgery schedule as soon as possible. (See, now that I've made up my mind, I just want to get it over with!) Plus, we do have some time restraints, such as, Doug starting full-time school in September, his health insurance going away at that point, stuff like that....

Depending on when I get on the schedule, I'm probably looking at 2 months healing time. So, hopes is that I can get in as soon as possible and be back on my feet by then.

Now, this is not to say that should God decide to close this door, I will certainly listen. But (to the wise counsel of a friend), we make decisions to the best of our abililty and then trust God to continue to lead and direct. I think it's kind of hard for Him to guide us when we're not moving! Like trying to steer a parked car, or sail a ship that's anchored in the harbor.

I would ask for prayer for wisdom, timing, positive outcome of surgery, finances, etc. I'm also wanting to get down to San Jose to see my dad before I have surgery.

Thanks to all for the many prayers, thoughts, and kind gestures that have come our way. This truly is love in action.

Til later,
Jane

June 7, evening

2007-06-07T22:00:00.000-07:00

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

Heard back via email from Seattle doctor this afternoon. A bit of conflicting info as far as the scan, although his report sounds better or maybe clearer than the scan we had here. Here are his words:

"I have personally reviewed your scans. There are 3 small nodules in the right lung, and 1 small one in the left lung. They are really too small to call metastasis right now. At this point they are "indeterminate", but it is posssible they could represent colorectal mets. The liver mass is a cyst, not a metastasis. There is not that much disease visible in the abdomen. At this point I think you are a reasonable candidate for an aggressive approach to your peritoneal carcinomatosis, ie debulking/ IPHC, since there is no clear evidence of extra-peritoneal metastatic disease. If you are interested in this, then I'd like to see you back to discuss, and have you see our GI med onc to help w/ the intraperitoneal chemo." Dr. Gary Mann

So, good news is that he doesn't really see it anywhere else, at least through the scans, which makes me a 'candidate' for the surgery. "There is not that much disease visible in the abdomen." I'm not exactly sure what that means. The looming question now is, do I do it or not?

I spoke to Dr. Neville this afternoon after he also read the email, and he will be receiving the full report in a few days. Being true to his profession, (and after I pressed him a bit!) he's not leaning too far on the surgery side, though he says this is the 'cutting edge' for now in terms of this type of surgery. He's not had a patient with colorectal cancer that has gone through this surgery yet, since it's a relatively new procedure. He said he's had patients with stage 4 colorectal cancer who have done well with just the chemo.

Since the chemotherapy is systemic (goes through the whole system), it is also reaching the peritoneal cavity. On the other hand, one advantage of surgery is that they can actually see what perhaps could not be evident on the scans. If there is more disease in there, they can cut it out. As he said, this would be an aggresive approach.

I need real clarity right now! I want to make a wise decision, but there are variables on either side. I feel secure with Dr. Neville. He said there have been many advances in this area, ones that they didn't even have two years ago. If this current 'cocktail' of chemo doesn't keep it at bay, there are other ones we can try. And in another two years or more, who's to know what other advances in medicine will have been made...and maybe not such aggressive measures.

Do I just stay on the course I'm on now (6 more cycles of chemo) and hope the odds are in my favor? Or do I do everything that is available to me now while I am still relatively healthy and can handle a surgery like this, thinking that, in the long run, this will significantly increase my chances of survival? Decisions, decisions, decisions...

In any event, I am starting back up on chemo Monday. I feel much better emotionally today than I have the last few days. Thanks for holding me up in prayer!! I can feel the difference.

I welcome your thoughts and insights,

Jane

June 7

2007-06-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

We finally heard from Seattle Monday around 1:00pm. He wanted to see us. So we high-tailed it up there, spent the night and went to our 11:15am appointment. What was supposed to take 45 minutes, took about 4 hours.

After he reviewed the scans done here in Corvallis, he said they weren't clear enough. So, he had me do a CT Scan there. (got to drink two bottles of gross stuff, IV, etc...)

He said he would email us yesterday with the results.... but he got called into surgery Monday afternoon and was still there as of yesterday afternoon. As of this morning, still no word.

He will only do the surgery if he does not see the cancer anywhere else but in the abdominal cavity. Since I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, he recommends doing it even if he can't see any cancer in that area. He said this will 'never go completely away'.

The surgery takes at least 6 hours, 3 hours of which I lay on the table while they flush heated chemotherapy through the peritonium (sp?) cavity. The incision will be big, about 11 inches, stem to stern. During surgery, he would remove any organs, or parts of them, that he thought needed to be removed (i.e. colon, stomach, pancreas, etc.) I'd sign a waiver going into the surgery, not knowing what I'm going to come out with (or without, as the case might be). Oh goody. I'd spend two weeks in the hospital up there, then 4 to 6 more recovering at home.

In a third of patients who have this, this doubles the life expectancy to 5 years. Of course, there are always the two ends of the spectrum. Those who don't make it, and those who live beyond 5 years. I have to say, after describing all the facts and data to me, I left there very depressed and discouraged. Not the encouragement I hoped to hear.

Now, as I wait and consider the 'facts', I am working to rally my spirits back up. I won't get into it here how these stages of news has me on an emotional roller coaster. As much as I tell myself to trust God and not think too far ahead, next thing you know, I'm on the coaster again.

Waiting to hear from doctors. Waiting to hear from God.

I'd appreciate prayers for clarity for all involved (me, my family, and the doctors). There are still question marks in my mind that I guess will only be answered in time, as I go through this process step by step.

I will let you know what's decided... as soon as we know.

Thanks again. I am blessed to have so many kind-hearted friends as you.
Jane

June 4

2007-06-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

May 25

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going." (forgot author)

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."
- Helen Keller

I just love simple quotes. They can say so much.

We'll as of this morning, 11:00am, the Seattle doctor hasn't seen the scans. I'm going to work. If he sees them today and he's very clear on surgery, we'll take the trip tomorrow, up and back.
I'm starting treatment next Monday, the 11th.

I'll keep you posted. I'm going to work. :o)
Jane

May 30

2007-05-30T22:25:00.000-07:00

So, here's the latest... We made an appointment for next Tuesday (June 5) in Seattle with the surgeon. Our plan is to leave Monday and come home Tuesday after the appointment (11:00am). There might be a change in this as they called me back after they received the written report, and wanted me to send the CD's (with scans on them) so the surgeon could physically see them. The words were 'so he can tell if there is actually something he can do that will help'.

Now, I took that to mean that perhaps the written report didn't indicate enough significant cell activity to warrant surgery (thinking positively!) When Dr. Neville looked at it with us, he was straining to see anything, so this is why I'm thinking in this direction.

What I'm hoping is that they get the CD's in time to look at them and make a decision. It would sure be nice not to have to go, and also, not to need another surgery at this time.

Prayer request: Seattle doc sees the scans in time for us to cancel our trip if need be, and that he doesn't see anything significant enough to warrant surgery.

I did decide to do some more chemo. Dr. Neville suggests another 6 cycles. I will start next Wednesday and will decide when to stop, as that has always been left up to me. I'm thinking maybe 3 more. But we'll see. It's been great to have this extra week off!! Still some side effects and the doc said that it could take up to a year for them to fully go away. Sometimes they stay with you.

On another note: I've been riding my motorcycle and have had some great rides. One of the neat things about riding is that when you pass another rider, there's this 'wave' etiquette, or like a high-sign. Those gestures can mean a number of things (at least to me who reads into EVERYTHING!!) They could mean, 'hey isn't this cool'? 'hey, fellow rider' or just 'hey'.
My waves mean, 'hey, I'm having a great time, hope you are', 'you take care, be safe'. Sometimes I give a 'peace sign'. I have even prayed for riders I've passed.

I think riders realize that, while this is fun, it can also be dangerous. It's in that realization that we can relate all we've learned and love about riding, and express that in a single wave.

So, fellow sojourners, consider yourselves 'waved' at this week by me. 'You take care, be safe. Yes, this can be a dangerous, unpredictable ride, but it's also fun and can be downright exhilarating!' Enjoy life while you can still 'ride'! Don't wait!

Jane

May 23

2007-05-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

Well, folks, great, great news! The scans look really good! The doc spent about an hour with us going over stuff. The spots on my lungs and liver are 'gone', though he said there could be minute amounts that the scan can't pick up... Even in the original area, it was very iffy that he could see anything there or not.

In my case, he considers my condition 'chronic', which, in the longrun, I may have to go in every 6 months, or a year, or two, to get treatments. Like a 'maintenance' program. They just don't believe that this will ever go completely away. So he suggests I get 6 more cycles of chemo for now, or whatever I can and am willing to tolerate.

He also wants us to go up and confer with the doc in Seattle. So, we should be doing that in the next couple of weeks. He doesn't want me to go any longer than a few weeks without continuing treatment, so I might get a little break here (or a big one, depending on what I decide!)

I'm still weighing my options, still need to talk to the docs in Seattle to make final decisions on more surgery, treatment, etc. I am still considering and praying about alternative medicine.

My doctor said should I decide to do that, that he'd like to be checking me regularly to make sure things are still looking good. It would be a leap of faith but part of me is very curious to see if it would work, and of course, I'd feel great while doing it.

So, we'll keep you posted as we go. I attribute this good report to the many many prayers going forth on my behalf.

Thank you, thank you so much,
Jane

May 16

2007-05-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah! Doug got his acceptance letter today into the nursing program! This is great news today! Thus begins another chapter...

Side effects of treatment are definately accumulating. I'm feeling pretty crummy these past couple of days, in all honesty. I was running a slight fever last night, and this is a first. The nurse said that often 6 cycles seem to be a cut-off point, sometimes people go on to have 12, but by then they are pretty wiped out with virtually no good days. Even now, having 3 or 4 good days every two weeks is not much fun... I can't begin to imagine doing more without doing some irreparable damage to my nervous system and organs, so I will definately need to be hearing from God, for wisdom and direction in the future, despite what the scan shows.

Please pray for me as I also look into alternative therapies, and decide if this is the way I'll try for a time.

So, PetScan this Friday morning at 7:30am. Results on Wednesday, the 23rd. We'll keep you posted.

As always, I rest in God's hands
Jane

May 13

2007-05-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

Quote for the Day (from the web, you've probably read this one before...)

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

And I might add, to win the respect of people in general, not only the 'intelligent'. Remember, our light shines in the midst of darkness. We won't know this side of heaven just how much that light reflected on those around us. And I suspect it's going to be much more than we realized, and in ways we never anticipated.

Treatment #6 tomorrow. Scan on Friday the 18th...

Appreciate your thoughts and prayers,
Jane

May 12

2007-05-12T13:32:00.000-07:00

Quote for the day:

Gentlemen, why don't you laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me night and day, if I did not laugh, I should die.
- Abraham Lincoln

A very wonderful group of friends came over today and worked for three hours on our house! Yardwork, planting lovely flowers in my front yard, dusting, cleaning my floors... wow!

I am humbled by the outpouring of love and support that has come our way. This also shows me just how much can be accomplished, how much encouragement we can be to others, when people come together and work toward a common good. How powerful the hands of Christ are!

My two darling children (15 & 17) even surprised me with a dozen red roses and two types of dark chocolate (they know me!) for Mother's Day.

It's a good day. Now I'm going to take a nap!

Happy Mother's Day (tomorrow) to all you hard-working moms out there.

Jane

May 11

2007-05-11T07:41:00.000-07:00

Quote for the day: (from the web)

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible."

I'm feeling better the last two days, though still dealing with the neuropathy. Talked to the doc about these headaches and nose bleeds and he's withholding the drug that causes these on Monday's treatment (it is the Avastin, as I suspected). I am thankful for that! One less thing!

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Jane

May 8

2007-05-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

This last treatment was perhaps the most difficult in terms of side effects. The worst part is these sinus headaches I've been getting (I think it's because of the Avastin, blood vessel growth inhibitor), as I already had some trouble with my sinuses. I'm hoping as side effects subside, the headaches will go with them. Despite these, Doug and I went for a pretty long ride yesterday. I was pooped out when we got home, but glad we went. Today, I feel like I'm starting to 'come around' a bit and hope I am on the upswing.

Prayer request: We are waiting to hear if Doug is selected to the nursing program. We should be getting a letter any day now. Please pray he gets accepted. Also for resources for the next 2 to 3 years as he studies and works full-time. I will also need to work full-time as well. This is ONLY going to be made possible by the grace of God! But, He can handle it!

Before I was diagnosed, I remarked a few times that if we 'made it through the next two years, we could make it through anything' (meaning Doug in school full-time, raising and providing for our two teens, finances, etc.). Little did I know what was coming down the pike!

But, I am excited to see how God will work. When things get just waaay too big (why do we so often wait until then to surrender?) well, this is when He can really be allowed to come forth and work remarkably in our lives. I can't wait until life becomes peaceful to feel that things will be allright, particularly in the long-run. I need to find that 'place' in the midst of the torrent. Life and it's demands are not going to stop just because I am ill. Still, it is crucial that I carve out times in the midst when I can stop, rest, meditate, enjoy life. And I believe I am learning how to do that. And strangely, there's a peace in me that I can't explain, except in that perhaps I am learning more and more how to surrender and trust (not in any way to be mistaken with giving up and living in denial). We still have our part, but in this, I feel like mine is very small comparatively.

Does true success mean we conquer sickness and trials, or is it truly that we conquer the despair and hopelessness that can so easily accompany it? Does the outcome depend on me or God? Or are we in this together as a team? There's much to say about teamwork!

Blessings to you this week,
Jane

April 30

2007-04-30T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's Monday (night). Had my 5th treatment today. Usually first day is not too bad, though that neuropathy is kicking right back in. My legs are even kind of tingly this time. We'll see how the week progresses.

I'll have one more treatment on May 14. I am scheduled for a PetScan on the 18th, and get results on the 23rd (which is Doug and my 20th wedding anniversary!) Hope we get a good anniversary gift that day!

All my blood levels are doing good at this point. The CEA level (kind of a cancer 'marker') was down to 5.5 today from 8.5 last time, so that's a real praise!

Now, I'm beginning to feel like the rubber is really started to meet the road as I near the end of this first go. The doc's perspective is that this will not completely go away with chemo only. Chemo is viewed as palliative care (keep it at bay as long as possible, keep the patient comfortable). I may still not be a good candidate for that surgery if there are still spots on my liver and lungs, but he will talk to the doc in Seattle after he reviews the scan. Plus, that surgery is sounding more and more invasive. Gee, do I want to do that? I am going to bring up the subject of radiation again, but they say it's not really an option. I need to find out more about that and why. Of course, we'll get all the details should we head in those directions.

It's possible they can do some zeroing in on the liver, but we have to wait and see. If there has been a change, decrease and it seems I'm responding well to the chemo, then I will probably be looking at more cycles of that. I am looking at some of the natural options more and more and at some point, will try those as well.

I would appreciate concerted prayers from now to PetScan date that we will see a significant change for the better, if not completely clear! The doc said "well, best case is we look and it's all gone." Even though that would be unusual from his standpoint, wouldn't it be a wonderful testimony to the power of prayer! I would love to stand before that doctor, and be able to tell him how mighty and faithful is my God!! He's my 100%.

In any event, we shall see what we shall see.

I just have to send you a couple of pictures. I had two great rides this weekend, one I wandered
off by myself (which I love to do) went about 60 miles. Then on Sunday, Doug and I went through Kings Valley and meandered around to I20 then back to Corvallis. So, that was about another 50-60 or so. Had a great time and feel I can settle into this treatment week a happy camper (or rider, as it were).

Hope you all have a great week.
Jane

April 26

2007-04-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

The cave? Well, I feel like I'm poking my head out. I am now in what have typically been my 'good days'. I do have more energy since yesterday but the neuropathy is still here pretty much, maybe has subsided a bit. The nurse told me these side effects are accumulative and I can attest to that this week... But despite how my hands feel, I am going to try to take a cycle ride sometime in the next couple of days and see how it goes. You can say right now I am 'living to ride'! It brings me such pleasure and a sense of freedom.

I've been at work this week working on our newsletter and program, so am putting in at least some hours there. It feels good to be doing something productive and to be among my co-workers. They are such awesome people!

Sidenote: If you think about it, this might seem a small thing, but I'd appreciate prayers to know what to do with one of my cats, Shanzi. She is what I would consider my 4th child, and she's very sick. It's strange, but she started to go downhill right afer my surgery. The vet thinks she might have cancer, if you can believe that! But, of course, we don't have the resources and it's just not feasible to do any tests on her. She's 12 years old. She weighs 4 pounds, is virtually skin and bones, and her care at this point is wearing on us. It's hard to know what to do because she doesn't seem to be in pain, she's still mobile and eats ravenously (she's in a constant state of hunger), but if I feed her too much, then it comes right back out... enough details.

Thanks, have a great weekend!
Jane

April 21

2007-04-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm in what I can only describe as the 'chemo cavern'. It's hard to find words to describe what this stuff feels like coursing through my body, but pretty much all my senses are affected (taste, sense of touch, smell, fatigue, overall sense of 'yuckiness'). I don't mean to complain, mind you, but, for the most part during treatment week I feel like I crawl into a sort of cave... hard to explain. So far, thankfully, the nausea has been kept at bay with the meds, though they make me sleepy.

But the upside (thank God for upsides!) gradually, things will start to feel 'normal' again, energy comes back, and I feel like me again. Most importantly, the end goal is that these drugs are doing what they are meant to do. A very strange journey indeed.

I've gained back some weight, (don't want to gain too much!) but this has made the doctor happy. With all the wonderful meals and treats friends have been showering upon us, it's no wonder! What a blessing you all are!

I am looking forward to next week (my off week) and perhaps having enough sun breaks to take a cycle ride or just get out and enjoy Spring.

So, two more treatments (April 30 and May 14) providing all my blood counts and organ functions are still good). After that, we'll do another scan and go from there providing what the results are.

Thanks once again for all your prayers and support!!

Jane

April 13

2007-04-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hello on today, Friday the 13th. (glad I'm not supersticious!) This is one of my good days, heading into the weekend before next treatment on Monday. Thankfully, I've been given a ton of articles to proof-read next week, so I can do this at home and take breaks when I need to. What a wonderful job God has provided for me with wonderfully flexible working staff and pastors!

Here are a few quotes and thoughts I've come across in the last few days:

"A day dawns, quite like other days; in it, a single hour comes, quite like other hours; but in that day and in that hour the chance of a lifetime faces us." -(from the web, by Maltie Babcock)

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord
And whose trust is the Lord.
For he will be like a tree planted by the water,
That extends its roots by a stream
And will not fear when the heat comes,
But its leaves will be green,
And it will not be anxious in a year of drought
Nor cease to yield fruit...
Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed;
Save me and I will be saved, for Thou art my praise.
Jeremiah 17:7-8, 14

We are not called to trust blindly (though granted, sometimes in darkness it feels that way). We need to be proactive in what time and slice of life has been given to us. We are created in the image of God, and He is a creative, powerful God. So, we too are called to be creative, wise, discerning, powerful in the spirit that He has breathed into us. Because of this, I believe God has called me to begin each day in newness, strength, and healing.

He is guiding me to let go of the past, not to worry about my future, and mostly to enjoy each day resting in His care. He is my 100% surety in a life of chance and uncertainty. Until He tells me further, and because up to now, He hasn't told me otherwise, I believe I am to consider myself to be healed on this day, not by my strength or sheer determination alone, but by the same power that created the heavens and that raised Christ from dead flesh. Yes, my life can be extended through many supplemental means (i.e. treatment, nutrition, etc.) and my human survival instincts lead me to these measures, and these things in and of themselves, are good. But in the end, I'm convinced, that He's the only one who knows the exact number of my days, whether they be just one more, or 40 more years. (I've asked Him for 40 because I'd like to live to see my nineties!)

Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed;
Save me and I will be saved, for Thou art my praise (trust, anchor).

Thanks again to all for your caring support and prayers.

Have a great weekend. Let's hope for some sun breaks!
Jane

April 6

2007-04-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm catching up now. This is day 5 of treatment #3. I don't feel too terribly bad, except tired and the neuropathy seems worse this time. I worked a few hours this week, which is something I haven't been able to do so far during week one of treatment. Thankfully I can work some from home doing web updates and such.

The CEA level was checked this week (kind of a marker). It was up a little bit, but doc said not to be concerned as this happens in about 1/3 of patients during the first few treatments, as the dead cancer cells get released into the bloodstream. It will be checked again in another 4 weeks. Hopefully by then we'll see a decline.

I should be doing better next week in terms of energy. I have 3 more treatments to go then we'll do the scan. From there, we'll have to see what's up.

I hope you have a great Easter weekend and celebration.

March 24

2007-03-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

I'm in to day 6 of treatment #2. I am really wiped out, tired, sleeping alot, nauseated. I worked for a couple of hours on Thursday but was tired and 'foggy'. I decided to stay home on Friday and rest. I have to force myself up, as I could be sleeping non-stop it feels. Hopefully I'll start to pick up and have more energy during next week.

They are holding off on the surgery consult for now. There are still some questions I need answered as to why, but one of the docs is off next week, so I need to wait. Apparently this surgery can be quite invasive and they want me to finish these first 6 cycles of chemo first, then take another Pet scan. From there they'll decide if the surgery will be helpful or not. So we wait.

I hope you all get a break this next week sometime, to take time and enjoy life. How we scramble so. As they say, take time to stop and smell the roses (or daffodils).

March 19

2007-03-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

My second week (off-week for treatment) was great! So, even with one chemo treatment under my belt, I have to say I haven't felt this well in months, which attests to how badly I've actually been feeling for the past 6 months. Most of the initial side effects wore off by Sunday of the first week or became so slight that I forgot about them, so I was able to enjoy feeling like myself for a change. Saturday was so beautiful, I ventured off on my motorcycle and it felt GREAT!!

I went in to the office for about 15 hours last week too, and it felt good to be there working and helping out the staff in the office as much as I could.

Today was round 2 of treatment.
The doc added another drug, actually a bio-therapy drug called Avastin, which slows the growth of blood vessels that supply the tumors. I guess these grow faster than normal vessels, and are not as hardy. So, I got 4 drugs today along with the anti-nausea stuff. I'll have to watch for elevated blood pressure and possible bloody nose with this one.

I can feel the neuropathy already (cold sensitivity), but I am better equipped this week, since I know what to expect. I feel so much stronger in this past week, and really turned a corner sometime mid-week (realized it as I was laying in bed wide awake one night). I know it's all the many prayers and thoughts being directed on my behalf. It's been incredible.

So, day one of treatment 2... I'm going to see how I do and will get work done from home and if I'm doing OK, go in to the office too.

Many incredible things have happened with us, even amongst the doctors we deal with. It's the 'timing' of things, that otherwise one could just not plan for... things that are helping take the edge off and helping us breathe a little easier. Some are big things but alot are little things, like a friend dropping by (with coffee!) just when I needed someone to talk to, or a timely phone call or card in the mail. Some have been financial helps, and those have been awesome to receive.

Here's a small one: I bought a loaf of bread at the co-op awhile back. It was bread I could digest and it is very healthy and tastes great. As I stood in my kitchen eating a piece of toast, because that's all my stomach wanted at that point, I read the label (Dave's) story on the back. It totally blessed me, as it tied in somewhat with my relationship with my oldest son, Matt, and to see the success this fellow now has. If you want healthy bread try 'Dave's Killer Bread' (yup, that's what it's called). Get it at the co-op and we just saw it at Fred Meyer in the health food section, too. Good stuff. Read the labels!

So, many things to be grateful for...the warmth of the sun, realizing how many people love me (I think we'd all be surprised to know just how many lives we all touch)... an awesome supportive husband, wonderful co-workers and friends...blooming flowers... motorcycle rides with the wind in your face... my teenage kids... family... the promise of spring...

Have a great week
Jane

March 13

2007-03-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

During this second week, and off week, of treatment I feel ALMOST normal, both psychologically and physically. I've been able to go in to work a few hours in the last couple of days, and it's good to be amongst my co-workers and friends, surrounded with 'business as usual' hubbub. I'm still feeling the tingly stuff in my fingers, but very slight, and I do have to watch what I'm putting in my stomach. I have discovered that I cannot eat anything remotely spicy right now, bothering both my mouth and my stomach... but it's a good week so far and I will log these days in my memory to remember during next week!

Next (2nd) treatment is Monday the 19th. They'll check my white count beforehand to make sure it's good. I've had a fair amount of energy, so I'm thinking thus far, it's probably OK.

By the way, if you'd like to reply apart from this blogsite, feel free to email me at jaeaston@comcast.net.

March 9

2007-03-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

Well, this first chemo treatment has been strange, surreal. It's hard to describe it. It's almost unimaginable to willingly sit there and let someone pump heavy duty drugs into your system. As I mentioned to the nurse, this is a huge psychological challenge, and she agreed.

Side effects... a real sensitivity in my hands to cold (neuropathy). This came almost immediately. It feels like when your foot falls asleep and you get that electrical tingly feeling. Well, that tingly feeling stays. I have to handle cold things with gloves on (getting stuff out of the fridge, etc.). This should subside in another day or so. Today it's not as pronounced as earlier this week. The nausea is there but so far am able to control it with the anti-nausea med.

I will have 5 more cycles of chemo (they are using a combination of 3 different drugs). The 6th cycle will be around May 14. Then another PET scan. We'll probably head up to Seattle at some point during this time to consult with the surgeon up there.

It's still so early in my diagnosis and treatment (I'm also not fully recovered from the surgery). I am being challenged to the depths of my soul and faith. I know without a doubt that this experience will definately change me and my family. As Doug said, usually you can look ahead and see where a certain event or task is likely to take you. In this case, we cannot, at least as of yet. All I know, is that this is big, and I abide solely in God's mercy.

In the meantime, I will work to highlight the days I'm feeling well and enjoy life as normal. It's so easy to stay focused on the illness. I don't want to do this.

Thanks again for all your thoughts, prayers and support. We could not do this without all of you!

March 5

2007-03-05T17:27:00.000-08:00

Well folks, got the scan results back today. Looks like there are 3 small spots on the liver (millimeters), and one on my right and left lung, and a node in the pelvic area.

The doctor hopes the systemic chemo will shrink these areas, and said we will keep an eye on them. His plan is to do 6 cycles of the systemic chemo (3 months) then do another PET scan to see where things are at.

In the meantime, Doctor Neville will contact Dr. Mann (surgeon) in Seattle. He suggests we still go for the consult with the Doc in Seattle; as to if and when we'll do surgery, that will depend on how I respond to the next 3 months of chemo.

I see Dr. Neville again on the 19th and will probably have a bunch more questions for him by then.

I had my first treatment today. It was kind of scary at first, and now I'm waiting to see if I develop any of the side effects they mentioned and to what degree. I'm carrying around a little pack with a pump that I'll wear until Wednesday. Then I'll be free (hopefully) until the next treatment on the 19th. During this time I'm hoping to get out on my cycle!!

Along with so many dear friends and family members, I have tremendous support through the hospital chaplaincy and hospice folks I've come to know in the past couple of years. I will be looking into therapeutic massage, maybe acupuncture, relaxation techniques, and definately diet and nutrition to help my body as much as I can!

I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. I'm still not very worried, there's just not a whole lot I can do but hope for the best, live one day at a time, and always remember Who's hands I'm in.

Our God reigns!
Let your spirit be strengthened.
Our God reigns!
Let your spirit rejoice!
Our God reigns!
Though it's sometimes through darkness;
There is light in our darkness,
Our God reigns! – Pam Mark Hall

March 3

2007-03-03T09:06:00.000-08:00

Catching up from the last post...

Had the scans yesterday. What an experience that was, especially the MRI! Very noisy machine!!

Hopefully, we'll get the results early next week. I'll keep you updated.

Latest update feb 28

2007-02-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

Well, my husband finally talked me into writing on this blog! So, here goes.

I don't know who knows what but I'll try to fill in some blanks. This one will be longer than most, so bear with me!

Last September I was being treated for diverticilitis. After 5 months of back and forth with doctors, scans, and declining health, the docs kept saying that I had a very inflammed area in my colon from the diverticulitis (I was on antibiotics for 5 months!) this wasn't kicking it and I wasn't able to eat much. Got very uncomfortable.

We spent Christmas in California and during that time I started feeling really bad. So, finally, I decided it was time for surgery (duh) What can I say? I'd been feeling bad for so long that I kind of got used to it and was ignoring the pain.

Surgery on Jan. 29th started as a routine resection (they took out about 6 inches of colon and sewed the two ends back together, cool, huh?). This was supposed to fix things and then I'd be a happy camper. Well, to everyone's surprise they found a tumor growing on the outside of the colon (they typically grow inside). This is why they hadn't seen it clearly on the scans. Unfortunately it had spread to the surrounding lymph nodes and tissue. So, they call this stage 4 metatastic colon cancer.

The surgeon said he got about 95% of it but there is tissue wrapped around my sacrum that he couldn't get to. The liver and stomach looked ok.

I had the port-a-cath put in last Friday (inserted just below collar bone under the skin to administer chemo without having to poke me everytime). Really comfortable, NOT! During that surgery, the doc accidentially nicked my lung, so I spent last weekend in the hospital on oxygen. The doc let me come home Monday and the lung issue should completely resolve once the hole heals up. Another nice little 'bump' in the road.

So, the plan is to begin chemotherapy next Monday (5th). I will do 4 cycles of chemo (every other week for 8 weeks) then we're more than likely looking at another surgery to get the rest of it out. This will take place in Seattle at Washington University hospital. They will try a relatively new method where they pack the surgical area with heated chemotherapy while I'm on the table. I can write more about that once we get more details.

How am I physically? Getting stronger each day (just in time for chemo, but it's supposed to not be too bad.)

Mentally? Well, lots going on in my head, but I am trying to stay focused on each day, not look too far ahead, stay hopeful and realistic at the same time. More on that later.

My faith? God is a God of 100%! He's done it for me before (I could tell you lots of stories), I know He can do it again if it be His will. I battled cancer 30 years ago and He showed up powerfully then, He's maintained my health all this time. He gives me each breath and sustains me by His mercy.

The family? Doing pretty well. We're keeping the lines of communication open, letting the tears come when they need to, trying to maintain as much of a 'normal' life as possible. Doug is my absolute rock! And as an added bonus, I have my own personal CNA in him!

I've got awesome doctors (the gastroenterologist calls every once in a while to see how I'm doing) she even called me from Hungary while she was on vacation! She's like a guardian angel! So, I feel I'm in good earthly hands too!

PRAYER REQUEST FOR THIS WEEK: I will have a PET and MRI scan this Friday. This will tell us if there is cancer anywhere else. This test is monumental for me. If the cancer has stayed localized, then things look pretty good.

I'll go for now. Will let you know about the scans and how chemo is going. Write back if you like. Thanks to all for the overwhelming love, kindnesses, and support we've received! It's truly humbling.

Jane